


Light Magic

by ImpracticalMagic



Category: Digimon Adventure
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fantasy, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 49,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpracticalMagic/pseuds/ImpracticalMagic
Summary: A dark secret drove them apart. Now, years after the digital gates have been closed, Kari finds herself seeking out the help of some old friends. What they don't know though is that magic is real, and it has more to do with the dark ocean than they ever imagined. Cross-posted on Fanfiction.net.
Relationships: Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida/Takenouchi Sora, Takaishi Takeru | T.K. Takaishi/Yagami Hikari | Kari Kamiya
Kudos: 2





	1. Treacherous

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to this new story! I'm going to be playing with a fair amount of time jumping so if it gets confusing please let me know in reviews so I can tweak things. I'll update as often as possible.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Characters outside of those from the show are mine.
> 
> TW: The first chapter includes death.

**Part One**

**Chapter One - Treacherous**

* * *

_Kari_

People stared.

It could have been my dark brown hair. Which had settled half in and out of a bun. Maybe it was the way my shirt was ripped at the sleeve and hanging slightly off my arm. It may have been the wild look that I'm sure covered my face, or the blood on my lip, and the bruise around my eye.

It was probably that last part.

I found a seat in the corner of the train and people slid away from me, weary of the disheveled traveler. I reached into my backpack and found a sweatshirt, pulled it on roughly throwing the hood up, wishing to become invisible.

I clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking. Now that I was sitting and the adrenaline was wearing off I felt dizzy and my face was throbbing. I would have given anything for an aspirin or a drink. I just wanted to be less coherent. I wanted this day to just be a bad lie. My mind was trying to calculate how cataclysmic this was on the weird trauma scale that was my life, maybe it was my brain's way of trying to keep me safe, convince me I'd been through worse. Maybe if I believed it I could survive this too then I'd be okay. I'd seen death, experienced battle, war, I'd lost so much already. It wasn't long though before I got into "fair" territory, but life didn't care about fairness or how good of a person you were, there was just what was true and how you responded to it.

I took a breath. I told myself that I was safe, for now, and I was going home. The day played out over in my head, that morning felt so far away now, but my nightmare felt more real than ever. I wasn't sure if the train was cold or if I once again had the permanent chill of the ocean flowing through my veins.

Last night I'd woken up to the sound of labored breathing. Not knowing it was mine. I felt so outside of myself, soaking wet, but at the same time feeling almost nothing at all. Just cold, so cold. The sensation came back to my toes first, tingling as a reminder that they were still connected to my body and that my body was indeed in my bed.

It was so long ago that I was in that place, and it made me feel like a child again, wishing to peak up into the top bunk to wake my brother. Or grab my phone and text those preset numbers for my best friend, so he'd know where to go. Now, I was alone hours away from who I used to be, racing to catch my breath.

I got out of bed, grabbed the set of worn tarot cards from my desk, and unwrapped them with shaking hands. I shuffled them, asking a question I already knew the answer to.

I drew The Devil.

I drew The Devil again, and again. Even though there was only one Devil in a deck. I dropped the cards as 78 Devils fluttered to the ground, staring up at me, taunting me. I stepped back horrified at the impossibility of what I was seeing, even though I'd learned long ago that the impossible didn't exist in my life. I pushed myself into a corner, muttering words of protection to myself, hoping something or someone would hear me.

I fell asleep like that, leaning against my wall, and woke with a crick in my neck. I dragged myself back toward the cards, afraid to see, but they were back to normal. Their archetypal images looked back at me as if nothing was amiss. I shuffled them back together, but as I did one fell out, suddenly looking up at me was The Sun. A vision flashed before my eyes, just for a moment, from my dream the night before. His warm hand as it clutched my arm, pulling me away from the shadows and back towards the light, his blue eyes.

I fell into my bed and curled myself into a tight ball, scared, tired, and alone. I thought of him, his warmth, the way it had felt to be close to him, and the hole my life had without him in it. It wasn't fair, but again nothing was. They say it takes half the time of knowing someone to get over them, but four years had passed and the thought of him still made my heart ache. How is it possible to feel so connected to someone you haven't spoken to in years? Did he look the way I'd remembered or had time changed him? Were we both actually there in the dream or was it nothing but a nightmare?

It was thoughts of him now though that calmed my racing heart, almost being murdered really has a way of putting heartache on the backburner. I had nothing to go back to in Kyoto anymore. Everything I'd built over the past four years had been destroyed in a matter of hours. I felt like I was being drawn back towards home, back to safety, so I curled my knees into my chest and hoped I was heading in the right direction.

* * *

_TK_

I hadn't had a nightmare in years. Therapy, and meds, had put an end to my own demons a long time ago. Waking last night though was like being shot. I felt hot, a tightness in my chest, and an empty feeling in my hand where she should have been. Years since I'd dreamed, and years since I'd seen her face so clearly.

She looked different, her face thinner and her hair slightly longer, but I knew it was her. Her brown eyes had locked on mine for a moment before I woke and the fear in them made it impossible for my heart to stop racing. The urge to call her was so strong, but the sad truth was that I no longer had her number. She'd changed it long ago when she moved away like so many of the others, probably looking to escape a tragic childhood that some of us never properly dealt with.

Once the gate closed it was like people couldn't scatter fast enough. I'd always thought more kept us together than duty, but I'd been wrong about that, like so much else.

The dream wasn't nothing. I knew it wasn't nothing. I laid back in my bed that night and tried to imagine I was there, wherever she was, protecting her from the darkness I thought we'd banished long ago. I felt warm as I drifted off to sleep, fingers tingling, and a sense that I'd done something right even though I didn't know what.

When I woke up this morning the unsettled feeling returned, having little sleep and the images of the dream from the night before floating through my mind. I knew I needed a second opinion. I put myself together, throwing on a pair of shorts and an old T-shirt, grabbed my backpack, and was out the door. I backtracked as I passed my normal coffee shop, feeling the need for comfort on what felt like an abnormal day. It feels silly in hindsight, my clinging to some sort of normalcy, but I'm grateful I did it. I'd need the coffee.

I walked up the steps to Tai's apartment and started to worry I was being dramatic. Why was I making such a big deal out of a dream? I stood at the door, kicking my shoes into the old red carpet working up my nerve. It wasn't like it would be weird for me to show up, we'd remained close, probably the closest of everyone. As the rest of them scattered and lived their lives away from the digital world, we held on. We continued to grow, went to school, became adults, but we kept the bond that brought us all together. Izzy remained as well, not always physically close, but still in constant inquiry about the world that we were spirited away to as children.

There was something about barging in on Tai and trying to explain having a dream about his sister though. He knew the truth, well most of the truth, about how I'd felt before she'd left and why I never told her. It was one thing to know and another to actively talk about it. It felt weird and obsessive and I almost turned around and went home to save myself the awkward conversation.

Why now? Why after all these years? I just couldn't shake it, so I took a breath, knocked on the door, and waited. I heard some commotion from the other side, some muffled yelling back and forth before the door opened to a wide-eyed Tai.

"I was just about to text you, get in here." He grasped onto my arm, in the same place I'd held onto hers in my dream the night before. There was a flash of it again, his eyes replaced with hers, searching for the clarity that it was actually me. Gone. Just as quickly as the flash came and I was back in the room with Tai and was surprised, but not shocked, to find Izzy there as well.

It was like being transported into the past, watching him type away on his computer, not even registering my entrance. Tai nervously paced back and forth, leaving me in the hallway with no explanation. Tai's kitchen looked a little worse for wear, the remainder of empty beer bottles, tea bottles, and takeout littered the counter. It looked like they had been up all night working.

"Here!" Izzy sat back while Tai and I made our way over to him.

"What are we looking at?" I asked.

"Remember the lines, when our worlds were merging together?" Izzy pointed towards the screen showing what I assumed was our world line, flickering in and out with another line popping into the screen, like subliminal messaging. Blink and you'd miss it.

"Yea, but we closed the gate, how would that be possible?" Tai's voice held a bit of wonder, possibly excitement.

"Because it's not the digital world. It's the ocean." Izzy's voice didn't hold emotion, it was mechanical, just the truth. The weight of it hung over the room.

"Guys, we need to talk." They both looked at me, finally giving me their full attention, as I started to tell them my dream from last night.

* * *

_Kari_

This morning, when I finally gained the courage to pull myself from my bed I texted Nadia, the only one here who would understand, and got ready to face the world. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water for a shower but the second it hit my skin I felt burned, afraid. I turned it off and stepped back, taking a breath and getting myself together. I was safe. I was here. I was not in the ocean. I backed out of the room, the cold tile on my feet exchanged for the warmth of the carpet in my bedroom.

I got ready the best I could without a shower. I dabbed at the dark circles under my eyes with some concealer and swiped some mascara over my lashes so I would at least look awake, even though I felt like the walking dead. I tossed my shoulder-length hair up into a messy bun, pulled on a pair of high-waisted shorts, tucked a button-down shirt in, slid my feet into a pair of combat boots, and ran out of my apartment. I felt lighter once I was out, breathing in the fresh air, grateful for the warm day, and the feeling of the sun against my skin.

Nadia was the first, and only real friend I'd made when I moved away for school. She was eclectic but sophisticated. She wore black like the color belonged to her, and a piece of crystal quartz hung from her neck on a silver chain. Her hair was dyed blonde at the ends, perfectly blended into her darker brown roots. She didn't splurge on much, but her hair was the exception. Her eyes were hazel and always had an otherworldly look to them, seemingly changing colors with her mood.

She'd come right up to me on that first day of college, "They were not subtle when naming you," her mouth had twitched into a small smile as she spoke, and her eyes danced with the light. I'd been confused, how she'd even known my name. I'd been standing in the courtyard with too many fliers in my hands for clubs and parties, being too polite to turn them down, when all I'd been trying to do was grab my class list. She laughed when I'd asked if she was my RA and if she could direct me to the right table. I didn't know how else she'd have known my name. Her eyes had shimmered in delight, she laughed grabbing the fliers and taking me by the hand. She tossed them out and helped me towards the right table. Once I was finished all she'd said was, "come on," and weirdly I'd just followed her without a second thought. I had no friends, and my roommate seemed too cool for me, so I followed her.

I followed her that day and every one after it.

I'd come to learn about her gifts over time as she guided me into my own. She was a witch and had all eight Clair senses, and she was guided to me by something larger than us. I was a witch too, and life would never be the same.

I was in disbelief at first, a _witch_ , how could that even be real? Then, sensing my shock she said, "A digital world is within the realm of possibility but somehow being a witch and believing in magic is too much?"

I laughed, she was right, my life experience had been otherworldly. How could this be where I drew the line on believability. Also, the fact that she even knew about the digital world without ever having a partner made it easier to believe in her psychic abilities. With a touch of my arm, she recanted moments from our adventures, so it was hard to call her a liar. There was something in me that was also desperate to believe it was true. For years my body had been taken over by beings in the digital world, no one else, and it always felt unfair and strange. She explained that they'd used me as a vessel since I was already connected to magic. I didn't fully understand it at first, and I think I was just longing to be part of something again. Over time she taught me to tap into my own Clair abilities, the digital beings speaking through me suddenly became more understandable.

The next few years were spent learning, in school, and with her. More important than anything else, she taught me how to protect myself, and for the first time in my life, I wasn't being held back or shielded from something.

She'd said, "You're like a lighthouse guiding ships back home. Creatures are going to be drawn to you like a moth to a flame and darker energies want to absorb that light, deplete you and dull your power. Your existence is a threat to their own so you need to be able to keep yourself safe."

She said I had so much dormant power, and she could teach me how to use it. We became, in a sense, our own little coven. By day we went to our classes, I studied photography and she studied history, and by night she taught me all that she knew of the magic that lived inside of us. I felt seen in a new way, in a way that made me feel in control, a person with the power to take care of myself, instead of a girl in constant need of protection.

Then, Kato appeared a few months ago, as if out of thin air. He was handsome, alarmingly so, with dark eyes and dark hair, his skin a perfect caramel color. Unlike Nadia, he was always wearing white, it made him stick out, the crisp color against his darker features made him even more striking. He came to us the same way Nadia had come to me, a homing beacon she'd called me, and like a moth, to the light, he was guided to us.

All because of me.

He was powerful, she felt him coming a day before he even showed up. I remember the way she'd been dousing, meditating, and doing everything she could to figure out which side he was on. He seemed to know more than her, he said his family had a lineage, whereas she was self-taught. He said he wanted to teach us, but she was wary, curious about what he wanted in return. I argued back, she'd done the same for me, when I had nothing to offer her. It was our first and only fight, she'd told me I'd never understand what I'd given her, and she refused to explain. I felt angry and left in the dark, again, as I'd been as a child. She finally caved and half heartily accepted that our duo was now a trio, begging me to avoid being alone with him.

It confused me. He was kind, to us and to others, and never gave us a reason to expect anything else. There was also the fact that he was beautiful and I found that I was drawn to him in a way I hadn't been drawn to someone in years. I wondered if my broken heart might finally be mending.

I was naive.

I was always so damn naive.

When I got to her apartment this morning the door was already ajar. I paused, knowing the second my hand touched the knob that something was wrong. It's called clairsentience, clear feeling. My least favorite gift. When you got that jolt, that feeling so sharp and harsh that something bad has happened. I promise you'd rather not know. I felt a darkness wash over me but at the core of her home, it felt simply empty. I called to her with no reply. Everything was in its place, her kitchen counter covered in jars of dried herbs, and fresh flowers on her table. I made my way into her living room where she had high ceilings that she adored, and it's where I found her hanging, in the highest point in her home.

I wanted to scream but nothing came out of my mouth. I backed myself against the wall, taking her in, certain that she was already gone. Her body was almost still, but swayed just the slightest bit, her eyes open and looking down at me. The lovely color of her eyes made to look otherworldly by the bluish tone her skin had taken. Her mouth hung open, gasping for the last breath that never came. She looked wrong, so much like her, but so void of all the things that made her who she was.

"Take the book," I heard inside my head. I wanted it to be her, but it wasn't her voice, it was one of the many I'd become accustomed to over the past few years. Clairaudience, clear hearing, had felt like a curse the first time I understood what was happening. Crazy people heard voices in their heads, but so did some witches, and I was one of them. The voices I heard had never been alive, they were of the spirit world, like guides.

"Take the book," it said more forcefully, jolting me away from her body and into her room. I closed the door behind me and slid onto the floor, feeling my eyes fill up and spillover. I let out a wail and let myself sob. She was my anchor, my teacher, my family. She was all I had left in this world in terms of real connection, and she was gone.

"You have to go," the voice said gently. I shook my head, angry that Spirit was pushing me at this moment. "It's not safe," it startled me then. I took a few breaths and wiped my face clean. I pushed myself up and went into her top desk drawer where her book of shadows was hidden, there was a false bottom in the drawer that she hid all her most important items in, next to it was her dagger which I took as well, placing it into my boot.

As I left her room I heard a different voice, "Keep your head down," and I did, letting myself be protected from the image further ingraining itself into my mind. I wanted to remember her flipping her hair after a joke, her eyes as she crafted a new spell, and the way she always smelled like lavender. How could someone so full of life, so young, just be gone? I let the door click behind me and I took a seat on her steps, grabbed my phone with shaky hands, and called the police. Part of me felt guilty leaving her alone in there but I couldn't stand to be with her body and not her soul.

When the police arrived they took my statement. They asked if I knew she was depressed if she'd ever talked about taking her own life or been fascinated by death. As I told them, "no," they seemed unconvinced, I'm sure the items in her home didn't help this cause. She had a healthy relationship with death, and several books on the topic, but she wasn't seeking it. At one point a neighbor came over and quietly confirmed that I had only recently arrived, so if this did turn out to be foul play it seemed that I would not be a suspect.

Once they were satisfied with me they asked if I needed to be taken somewhere, but I declined. I told them I just needed air and asked them to let me know if they needed anything else.

Once I got back to my apartment I fell to the ground, pounding my fists into my carpet, angry, scared, and confused. She was not depressed. She was not suicidal. Why would she do this? Why would she leave me alone? My dream from earlier felt years away, now that I was truly living in a nightmare.

I grabbed her book and looked through with blurry eyes, her delicate handwriting covered the pages with all she knew of the craft until it stopped being about that. There were pages and pages in code that I didn't understand. I knew some witches coded their books but Nadia hadn't in all the time I'd known her. Some pages were covered with numbers and others in sentences that read like gibberish. I looked to the back to see what her last entry was.

"Kato." Was written as her last entry. It was quick, scratched in, unlike the other carefully written pages. I shut the book tight and shoved it back into my bag feeling sick. Sick because I didn't have to wonder if it was true. The voices in my head were layered over each other saying yes over and over again until I yelled for them to stop.

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier - Kari** _

I woke up soaked with sweat as if a fever just broke. My hair was stuck to my head and my pajamas felt damp from my neck down. I tried to calm my breathing, I was safe in my room, and after checking my phone I saw that it was just after one in the morning.

I got up, pacing a bit, and looked up towards the empty bunk above me that my brother used to occupy. He'd been away at university for about three years now, no longer here to bring me back to reality after a horrifying dream. I tore off my sticky clothing and threw on a clean pair of leggings and my friend's hoodie that he'd left behind after a study session a few nights earlier.

It smelled like him, woodsy and earthy, it grounded me back to the world a bit. I quietly opened the door and made my way down the hall, before leaving my apartment and hurrying out into the night. Once outside I let the cool early autumn air crash against my skin, I was able to deepen my breath as I made my way down the quiet street, towards the beach. The neighborhood was always quiet at night, it was safe, so I never worried about taking a walk if I had a nightmare that was particularly awful. When I got to my destination I was surprised to see a boy standing in the sand near the water, his shaggy blonde hair swayed slightly with the wind. He had on shorts, a long sleeve shirt, and sneakers with no socks on, like he'd rushed out quickly, or in a panic.

The boy turned towards me, his eyes widening at first, surprised, before they narrowed and a smirk grew across his face.

"That's where my hoodie went?"

I felt my face heat up, I'd been caught.

I made my way towards him, "It was laying on the floor and I ran out in a hurry," I rationalized.

"I'm just teasing," he said. I stopped in front of him and his eyes glossed over me, searching for signs of pain or injury, "Why are you out here?" His hand rested gently on my shoulder.

"Isn't it the same reason you're out here?" I looked up, searching his eyes.

His hand fell, "You dreamed it too?"

"Yes?"

"Shit."

"Shit is right," I sighed.

"How'd you know?" He sat down, digging his sneakers into the sand. I did the same, resting my weight back onto my hands.

"I dunno, It's like I could feel you there, in the ocean." I paused, thinking clearly about it and realizing he was the _only_ one I felt. Maybe it was the subconscious knowledge that my brother wasn't as accessible anymore, but I couldn't figure out how TK dreamed it as well, did I pull him in with me somehow? We always had a strange connection to each other, more so than anyone else in the group. When he was sad or in pain it was like I could feel it in my bones. The last thing I wanted though was our connection to drag him down into the ocean with me.

"Somethings coming?" He asked, and I nodded in response. I'd had a terrible tie to the other world that I never understood. I could feel it differently and something was indeed coming.

"We need to call Izzy tomorrow and see if there was a disturbance, but maybe it _was_ just a dream." TK was keeping his voice even and gentle, trying to keep me calm, always trying to ground me.

"Just a dream that we both had that brought us to the same place in the middle of the night?"

"I mean, this is kind of _our_ place."

"We have a place?" My voice got a bit too high and I felt my face go red.

"Oh hush, you know what I mean."

I felt warm again, as the heat rushed to my face, something that had been happening more often than not when it came to him lately. TK had been my best friend for the past nine years of my life, recently I'd been seeing him differently, but every time I shoved it away. I wasn't ready to battle that, what it could mean, and how it could blow up in my face. It felt easier not to chance losing him because I wasn't sure I could live without him at this point.

"What was yours like?" His voice was quiet, almost lost with the wind. There was something I didn't hear often weaving its way through his words, fear.

"I heard them calling to me, telling me it was time, and I could feel you there but I couldn't find you. It was like your aura was palpable, but physically no one was in sight, and then a wave crashed over me and I was washed out to sea. Then I woke up."

He stayed quiet, his fists clenched at his sides, and I could tell he was chewing on the inside of his mouth, trying to stay calm.

"I saw it."

"What?"

"I saw it happening. You, out in the water, those _things_ coming towards you. I kept calling, but you didn't acknowledge it. Suddenly there was a light, I don't know what it came from, but it was blinding, and then I was awake."

We both sat with this. My mind tossing and turning around ideas trying to figure out how and why we were in the same awful nightmare.

"Were we actually there?" He asked the thing I was too afraid to confront.

"I don't know," I pulled my legs tight against my body and wrapped my arms around them. I looked out at the water in front of me, somehow calmed by it, even as the nightmare washed over me. Until the dark ocean, I had always loved the water, the ocean, the rain. I felt a connection to it that I could never properly articulate, maybe that's why the ocean always chooses me.

I felt his hand against my back pulling me back to the beach, "We'll figure it out."

"You always do that," I said.

"What?"

"Believe in us," I looked towards him and was pleased that he was the one turning red now. His shoulders relaxed a bit and he unclenched his jaw letting his face soften.

"Are you still alone?" I asked.

"Yea she's gone until Monday," I knew his mother had been gone this week on assignment but thought she'd come home before the weekend started.

"Do you want to come back and stay at my place?"

"Sure."

He stood up and brushed himself off, reaching for my hand to help me up. We'd had sleepovers since we were little, but they'd obviously dwindled as we'd aged. Over the past year though it wasn't out of the ordinary for him to crash at my place when his mother was gone, now that there was always an empty bed above mine. She'd been traveling more for work over the past year and he was terrible at taking care of himself. Matt, when left to his own devices, learned how to cook like an adult at twelve, TK at seventeen was more likely to microwave ramen than make himself a real meal. My mother was more than happy to have another mouth to feed, and TK would eat anything so she could get as weird as she wanted to the detriment of my own stomach.

We made our way back to my place in silence. His unease had returned, his back ridged as we walked and his eyes on alert as if the ocean would swallow us whole right on the street. It wasn't often that worry was evident when it came to TK. He was naturally cheery and optimistic, it unsettled me when he drifted from that normal pattern and into the darker depths of his mind. They were there though, he could sink as easily as I could if he let himself. We both had a terrible habit of suppressing our feelings when we thought it would strain the others, forced to be strong and brave at eight years old wasn't something I'd wish on anyone. The loss we'd both been through had left scars that neither of us wanted to focus on.

We snuck back into my apartment and to my bedroom. He hopped up into the top bunk, and I curled myself back into my own bed, keeping on his hoodie, choosing to stay surrounded by the comfort of him.

"Kari?"

"Yea?"

"Everything will be okay." His voice betrayed him, a slight waiver, and I wondered if he said it more for himself than for me.

"Goodnight, TK"

"Night."


	2. Haunted

**Chapter Two - Haunted**

* * *

_Kari_

_Shut up, shut up, shut up._

I begged my brain for rest on the train ride, for quiet, but all it did was spiral. Over and over images and memories flooded in, as I tried to figure out where it all went wrong. I knew letting Kato in was problem number one, but from there, what put all of this into motion? Things had started innocent enough, he came around and showed us more advanced magicks. Nadia hated his showboating but I wondered if she was jealous, now there was someone who knew more than her, and she didn't like to compete for attention. She'd never had to in the past, not with me, not with men, not with our classmates. Teachers favored her at university and we hadn't had many other friends to share time with.

I loved the way his eyes would darken during spell work, he looked dangerous, and after playing it safe for so many years I was eager for something less vanilla. Even with all of our adventures and my secrets and now being a witch, I was missing the thrill that the digital world use to bring, and maybe it had made me a closet adrenaline junkie. I found after years of relative peace that I was restless. Maybe deep down I liked the way he made Nadia nervous.

I zeroed in on a few months earlier, and the site of our fight before I ran to the train. I unzipped the front pocket of my backpack and looked at the small jar, caked with mud on the outside, while herbs mixed with our blood settled inside of it. I wished I had time to destroy it because I had a strong suspicion he had a connection to me because of it. Our blood, the idea of it together now made my stomach turn.

That day, months back, I'd been laying under a cheery blossom tree. It's petals gently falling around me while I tried to manipulate the fall, to cascade them in a circular pattern around me. I wasn't great with air-related magic, it was my weakest of all the elements, and when it worked out it always seemed like a fluke. Water and Earth had come so easily and felt like second nature, fire was iffy but possible and really unpredictable.

Nadia had left a few minutes earlier and made a point to remind me to keep my guard up. She was always like that after Kato's arrival even though it had been a while by that point. She still thought that danger was coming and if it wasn't him it was something else.

I didn't feel the same heavy weight that seemed to have overtaken her but maybe I just didn't want to. The thing about Clair senses was that you could force them out, there was a time I'd made the voices stop, so maybe I'd allowed myself to block out the gut feelings I'd grown to trust.

The petals fell suddenly, it wasn't natural, instead of a float it was like a magnetic pull towards the earth. I heard the crunching of grass and sat up seeing Kato appear through the trees.

"Whatcha doing under there," A charming smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

I waved my hands a bit, "Trying to change the pattern of the fall."

He smiled even bigger, twirling his finger as some of the petals danced around us for a moment before he drew them back towards the earth. His magic seemed to come so easy, all elements. The way he seemed so thrilled at being able to perform a small bit for me, warmed something in my chest I hadn't felt in a long time.

"It's so easy for the both of you," I said in a huff, letting myself lay back onto the earth.

I heard him release a small laugh, followed by a rustling of the papers I had near me, "What's all this?"

"We were looking over protection spells. Nadia feels like something is coming."

He was quiet for a moment. I wasn't sure if he knew that Nadia wasn't a fan of him, he always seemed slightly oblivious to the remarks she would often send his way.

"She's not wrong."

I looked towards him seriously, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's one of the reasons I think I was drawn to you. I can feel it too, something big, like a heaviness in the air. I wasn't sure at first but if she's sensing it too then we both can't be wrong." His voice was gentle, he scratched the back of his head as he studied the pages before turning back to me. That spark of delight back in his eyes.

He drew near me as if letting me in on a secret, "I know a better spell we can do right now."

Something stirred in me, it might have been how quick he said it, or the way he treated me like I was perfectly capable _right now_. He made me feel powerful like my own innate gifts could overshadow my obvious status as a novice. It didn't matter that I'd been practicing magic for a few years now, they had been at it almost their whole lives. Some spells were easy enough once you knew the words and ritual, but certain kinds of elemental magic needed more concentration, more focus, more discipline and it seemed sometimes no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't be able to gain the control I needed to practice it safely.

I nodded excitedly, wanting to be part of this, wanting to be part of something that Nadia wasn't in charge of. His smile grew to match my own and he started digging through his bag. He pulled out an empty jar followed by another filled with herbs.

He took out what looked like a root and put a piece in his mouth, he pulled apart another and handed it to me, "Chew on this but don't swallow it," he said as he chewed on his own piece. I did as he said. He somehow gracefully spit his into the empty jar and instructed me to do the same. He pulled out a small knife and noticed me stiffen at the sight of it.

"Do you trust me?"

I wanted to. There was a quiet voice in my head that I couldn't make out. I ignored it.

"Yes," I said.

"It doesn't need to be a lot. Just slice the tip of your finger or your palm."

"Wait what?" Blood magic was something Nadia did not participate in, I knew nothing in this area, and felt fear build in me for the first time with him. Blood magic was darker and more primal than any other kind of magic. It could be binding in a way nothing else could. There was also the remaining triggering effect of a knife for me.

He interrupted my thinking, "I know it's not Nad's thing," he said, reading me easily. "But, blood magic _is_ the most powerful kind, this will keep you safer than any herbal spell she's going to find."

He pulled out a second knife and cut a shallow slice into his palm and dripped blood into the jar with our chewed root. He reached the other out to me and I cautiously took it, turning it over in my hands, nervously trying to make a decision.

"If you aren't comfortable we can see what she's come up with," he said.

I didn't want to though. I wanted to make my own decision for once. I wanted to do something dangerous. I wanted to be in control of my choices.

I took the knife into my hand and cut it the same way he'd done his, wincing as I did, briefly going back to a moment years ago that I wasn't looking to revisit. I clenched my eyes shut as my heart started to race, but the weight of his hand came onto my shoulder and it was suddenly gone, all I felt was the warm blood in my hand. I opened my eyes and took the jar from his hands, letting a few drops go into the jar, mingling with his own.

He handed me a piece of cloth to wrap around my hand and took the jar. Going into his bag again he pulled out a small trowel and began to dig under the tree, a small hole, just big enough for the jar. He buried it and told me it was done, running off to meet some friend he never named.

I never questioned the spell, never asked how it worked, if there was an incantation, why we'd both taken part. It wasn't natural for me. I always wanted to know so much, but that day I let myself be lead blindly. I thought back to his hand on my shoulder and the warmth I'd felt through my body and wondered if he's done something to me then or if I'd just been easily played.

Now, I zipped the pocket closed and searched through the main part of my bag for Nadia's book, maybe there was something in there on how to break whatever spell he'd crafted I just had to hope it wasn't in code.

* * *

_TK_

They were quiet when I finished telling them about my dream. Izzy seemed lost in thought, trying to solve a puzzle with too many missing pieces. It was Tai who finally broke the silence.

"Did you try calling her?"

I blinked a few times, sometimes he could really be a little too dense for his own good.

"Didn't you tell me she changed her number oh, I don't know, _two years_ ago?" My voice was etched with an attitude I didn't need to have but couldn't help it. It was a sore spot.

He smacked his forehead, "Shit. Sorry. Right," he said, as he tugged his phone out of his pocket. He hit the screen a few times and then put the phone on speaker. It rang once and then went to voicemail.

" _Hey, this is Kari, I'm sorry I missed your call. Leave it at the beep."_ Tai ended the call before the beep and then started furiously texting her but his phone buzzed before he could finish.

He read her text aloud to us, "I can't talk but I'm actually going to head home for a little while. Phone doesn't have much battery. See you in a few hours."

"That's way too convenient. Something had to have happened, right?" I asked.

He went back to typing on his phone, asking if everything was okay and then sent his apartment address because he'd moved since the last time she visited. We waited a few minutes but there was no response back.

My head was spinning a bit from the news that she was coming home. Something in me screamed that the dream was shared, that I was really there with her, and that meant she was in serious danger. Of course, even if I didn't have the nightmares I used to I still had some bad dreams during the last few years, but not about the ocean. Never the ocean. It was like even my unconscious knew not to end up there. So, if she was coming home and on such short notice and didn't want to talk it likely meant that something was happening and it was too much to tell over the phone.

"Something has never seemed right about the dark ocean," Izzy said, back in front of his computer, typing away at code I'd never understand.

"Besides the way, it's _king_ tried to take my sister as a child bride?"

Izzy coughed or choked, I couldn't tell, "Yes besides that very grotesque fact."

"How so?" I asked, trying to move this conversation away from that awful incident.

"The digital world is code, if someone is good enough they could break into the code and alter it, but this." He drifted off like he wasn't sure he was ready to share his theory.

"Izzy out with it," Tai said with a bit of a huff.

"I mean, I can't really prove this at the moment, but if I was forced to guess I would call it an alternate universe of sorts that lives side by side to our own world."

"What do you mean, like with different versions of us running around?" Tai asked.

"No, a universe all its own, independent of us."

"You really think that's possible?" I asked.

"I mean, once again it's just a theory, but theoretically yes it could be possible." He started typing again and motioned for us to come over.

"Remember the simulation I showed you years ago, the spiral of the worlds essentially merging?" We nodded along, "Well the last time we had to deal with this world specifically it seemed like there were rips. So let's take just these two world lines, side by side, and then there is a rip in each, it could cause beings from each world to cross over. Essentially creating,"

"A bridge?" I interrupted.

"Yes, you could call it that. Or, the bridge could be the digital world, unwittingly connecting both worlds which would explain the Digimon you saw when you were there."

I felt my stomach sink. I felt like after all these years, we could handle a Digimon, we'd done so for many years as children. Something else though, something we didn't know the rules to, I wasn't so sure.

"Wait, does this mean?" I felt my voice catch in my throat. The possibility felt too awful to say out loud.

"The digital world could very well have been the bridge. I don't think closing the gate was the wrong choice, as hard as it was."

I let out a sigh. Izzy was a straight shooter I knew he wouldn't sugarcoat things for anyone, so at least I didn't need to let that spiral form in my head. The idea that we didn't need to close the gate was too much for my heart to take.

"I'm calling her again," Tai pulled his phone back out, looking more nervous than the first time he'd tried her. His hand dropped after a moment, "Straight to voicemail, It's dead."

All we could do now is wait.

* * *

_**Five Years Earlier - Kari** _

I woke up to the sound of light snoring above me, startled for a moment, forgetting that TK was sleeping in the upper bunk. I stretched my tired muscles out and got up, rubbing my eyes. I saw he was sprawled out, still fast asleep, so I quietly headed out of the bedroom. My mother was already awake making some concoction in the kitchen.

"Morning sweetie, do we have a stowaway?" She was cheerful, knowing by the sneakers who was here.

"Yea, he's still asleep."

"Everything okay?"

"Honestly I'm not sure, we need to go talk to Izzy, but I promise I'll let you know if it's anything important."

My mother had always been one of the more supportive parents when it came to the digital world. I made sure to always keep her in the loop. She respected the group enough to trust us with the world so I could at least respect her enough with the truth.

"Do you think he'll be hungry?"

I looked up at her with a smirk.

"Why do I even ask?" She laughed lightly, sure to keep her voice down. She started rummaging through the cabinets and I convinced her 'normal waffles,' were just fine. My stomach was in knots and I needed comfort food. I poured myself a cup of tea and sat at the counter, flipping through my phone, trying to decide when it was done being too early to let Izzy know that we needed to talk.

About ten minutes later TK emerged from the room, "Need any help?" He asked, through a yawn.

"Just sit down," She shooed him towards the table, putting a cup of coffee into his hands, "I'm almost finished over here. Kari said your mom is still gone?"

"Yea she should be back late tonight."

"Okay, well if you need dinner come back over here, no reason to eat alone." She said with a light ruffle of his hair.

"Thank you Mrs. Kamiya I appreciate it." He said with a light laugh.

I loved seeing them like this, the smile that would grow across his face at being so connected to my family. I knew his mom loved him so much, but she was gone so often now and I know it made him feel lonely. The first few times I'd invited him over since she'd started traveling more he'd declined, not wanting to be a bother so after dinner I'd pack up food and take it over there so he'd be eating more than ramen bricks and take out. The first time he'd come over to stay he'd been almost choked up after dinner when we were alone in my room. Having a meal with a whole family like that was so foreign to him and it made him long for what he hadn't had in so long. I almost felt bad inviting him like I was throwing my functioning family into his face. He told me it ultimately gave him hope though, he had so many fears about his own future and if he'd ever be a good husband or father, or if happy families even existed. Being with us was like seeing a possible future he hadn't considered and I wanted him to believe in that, I wanted him to know if nothing else, he would always belong here with us.

He sipped his coffee lightly as my mother settled food onto our plates. We ate together quietly, there was a weight above us, a fear we neglected to share or let out. My mother left for the store shortly after we started eating. He finished his plate, got up to wash the dish, and put it on the drying rack. He turned to me and let out a huff, "Want to go now? Right away?"

I did, so I changed and we rushed out. We were hopeful for answers and completely unaware of what we were about to open up, or how everything would change after that morning.

* * *

"We have a problem," Izzy said. The clicking of his fingers rapidly typing away as screens popped up and disappeared before we could decipher what he was even looking at. TK and I hovered behind him, exchanging a long uneasy glance.

"Which is?" TK prodded him.

"Right," Izzy said, realizing he'd left us out of his thought process. "The digital world looks fine, nothing out of the usual, no disturbances."

"Then why is there a problem?" I asked.

"The world we've started calling the dark ocean is full of disturbances, holes, and cracks like it's trying to open up wide and merge with our own world. The line is just ever so slightly closer to ours than the digital world, and that is new."

I felt TK's hand on my shoulder, to steady him or me I wasn't sure.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"At this point, I'm not sure, it wasn't even enough to register until you brought it to my attention. It doesn't operate the same way as the digital world so I need some time to try and figure this out. We should get everyone together though. I'll send out a message to see who we can get over here tomorrow. For now, I would try not to worry too much. If you have another vision or dream keep me posted." Izzy then turned back to his computer and a minute later our phones beeped with his message. We took that as our cue to go, leaving him and the sound of the clicking on his computer behind as we headed out into the sunny Saturday afternoon.

We wandered around for a bit and stopped to get lunch, trying to keep things light and focus on school, but the truth of the situation hung over us. Unfortunately, without a plan all we could do is stew in it, he did his best to keep my mind off of it until he got a text from his mother saying she'd come home early. We said our goodbyes and parted ways. He texted me before bed that night which, even in our closeness, wasn't the normal procedure. It just said goodnight but I felt the weight of it. Any other night it would have made my heart skip for another reason. It had been a while since we'd had any real issues with the digital world, things had been quiet and I'd become used to normal teenage problems like college placements and falling in love.

Now, I laid in my bed afraid to close my eyes. I stared up at the spare bunk and cursed myself for being so desperate and pathetic, I did not need a babysitter and was capable of handling things, I just needed to close my eyes.

Once I did, I fell asleep fast and ended up right back in the dark ocean.

I was standing in the water, waist deep, and tried to back out only to find that I couldn't move. I looked towards the shore and saw that the beach seemed deserted, no voices, no Divermon, no anything, but that didn't last long. I felt a presence, something dark and heavy, I could feel the weight of the energy against my chest, making it hard to breathe, and I felt cold. It was like a winter breeze was coming through but there was no wind, just an unbearable chill. A man, who looked like Genai, appeared before me but his presence was all wrong.

"Light, I'm so glad you returned."

"I didn't exactly come here on my own," I shot back, wanting to seem braver than I felt at that moment, but his smirk let me know he saw through it.

"Don't be like that, you belong here, I know you can feel it."

"No, I belong back home, awake, and on earth."

"Why not both?"

I stepped back, suddenly able to move. A bored look fell across his face that sent more chills across my body. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, child of light this world is dull but combined with yours, we could have _everything_ ," he paused looking thoughtful, "A balance."

"You don't belong in our world. The _separation_ keeps a balance." The worlds had to stay separate or everything would collapse into chaos.

"I can make you stronger. Don't you want that? The strength to stand on your own." He brought his hand towards my face and lightly brushed some stray hairs behind my ear.

I tried to back away again, "I don't want anything from you, let me go." I was feeling frantic and heard my own voice hitch.

I thought of my friends, wishing I wasn't alone and it was the thought of TK in my head that came with a blinding light. I felt an ice-cold hand grab my wrist and a yell before I felt his hand release me. When I opened my eyes I was on the beach back at home, laying in the arms of TK who was pale, drenched in sweat, and burning hot. The difference of his warmth, compared to the ice I felt where the demon hand had held me, was startling and I found the ice-cold feel of it wouldn't let up.

"Are you okay?" TK asked, through labored breathing.

"I think so, but how did we get here?" I looked around the empty beach back in our world.

"I don't know, I woke up and felt like a string was pulling me towards the beach. I could see you flickering in and out, and when you came back in I held on as tight as I could. Was that Genai?"

"No, I think it was Dragomon," I ran my hand over my arm, the cold planted there like an ice pack under my skin.

"We need to call the others, _now._ " His voice was hoarse and tired.

"It's late," I tried to reason, feeling somehow at fault for everything, and not wanting to bother them all in the middle of the night.

He sat back finally and turned me to face him, his eyes were desperate. "We can't risk what just happened again."

I nodded, unable to argue with him. Unable to find logic or reason in what had just transpired. Did my wish for him drag him here? Why him, and not my brother, or Sora, or Yolei? _Because you trust him most._ I tried to shake the thought, it didn't even sound like my voice but it was in my head so it had to be me. Did I trust him most? More than my brother?

He called Izzy and he picked up after one ring, "It happened again, didn't it?" He'd asked right away.

Izzy had never gone to sleep that night, spending the day and night researching once we'd left. He told us to come right over and he'd contact everyone from there. I looked down at the two of us, him in sweatpants, a t-shirt, and sneakers while I had on no shoes a pair of shorts, and an old tank top. The two of us looked a mess because even though we had clothes on they were practically drenched. I covered my chest with my arms, feeling exposed as my wet tank top stuck to my skin. I had TK text Izzy asking him to have someone bring things for the two of us to wear. TK reached out to helped me up and then to my surprise he laced his fingers between my own, holding onto my hand gently while I walked beside him towards Izzy's office.


	3. Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Trigger Warning in this chapter for cutting self-harm in the last four paragraphs.

**Chapter Three: Red**

* * *

_Kari_

Chestnut colored hair fell around my face, almost dipping into the developing solution. I grabbed a hair tie from around my wrist and haphazardly pulled it back. It was finally getting long enough to tie up. I'd never had long hair before, and something about it felt almost wild some days. Sometimes when I looked into the mirror I would stare at the way my face was thinning out, the longer hair, normally the previous day's makeup, and I'd wonder who I was even looking at. Sometimes I felt more like myself than ever, but other times it was like I was living in a stranger's body.

A couple of years away at school, and rarely seeing any old friends, had left a void that couldn't be filled by Nadia alone. I didn't make many close friends outside of her. In ways it felt like it had with the other DigiDestined, we alone knew of the secrets the world around us possessed. How could I get close to anyone else when they wouldn't be able to understand half of my life. I tried dating during the second half of my first year, tried going to parties. There had been a few guys who had potential, but it was always clear that they were just filling a space that felt like it belonged to someone else. Someone I could never have.

I often wondered about how the others got by. Were they able to live normal lives or did they feel just as empty and lost as I did? There were so many times I wanted to reach out to Sora but she'd been dating Matt for years now and it made her too close to TK, there was too much of a risk for questions. My brother and I stayed in touch but it was different, there was a wall up now that had never existed before I moved. I had this huge secret that I couldn't tell anyone. I missed his accidental wisdom and optimism. I'd thought about telling him but it felt like I'd be dragging him away from his life and down into this new reality with me, Nadia was always saying we needed to be ready for possible danger. There were those who would try to steal our magic, those who wanted light witches out of the way, and even though they had yet to appear it was still a battle I wasn't willing to burden anyone with.

So, I spent most of my time with Nadia, or here in the darkroom. I felt like sometimes it was easier to see the world from the other side of a camera lens like maybe I would find the truth there. But all I found today was horror.

I'd been working for about an hour when I saw it. Three of my most recent photos held a dark figure, maybe a little over six feet tall, slender but sturdy. There were no other defining features, it was blurred in one photo like it was caught in motion, closer and stationary in the second looking almost posed. In the third though, it took up almost the whole frame and looked to be reaching for me behind the camera.

I backed away, grabbing my phone, and called Nadia. She told me to get them out of the developer so we didn't lose them. I did as I was told and then waited.

I could feel the darkness. There was a pressure in my head that felt like it was coming from all sides, along with a pull I'd grown familiar with during my childhood. I hadn't felt anything like it in years, the alluring call into the darkness, something I was coming to realize was a deep power I didn't understand.

"Kari?" Nadia's voice drifted through the wall, calm but urgent.

"Turn off the light out there and then come in," I said.

"Well at least you're still in a place to worry about your work," she replied, walking in with a smirk. She had a lightness to her even when things got heavy, in a way it was similar to how my brother or TK normally operated, optimistic to a fault.

She glanced around, checking the room as if the figure may be in here with me, and then quietly closed the door behind her.

"There," I pointed to the photos hanging to dry.

She took me in, huddled on the floor against a far wall, the look of fear that was across my face, and there was something in her eyes I wasn't used to seeing. It was like she wasn't sure _I_ was safe to be around. She looked over the photos, reaching out to one but pulling away as if she had been burned.

"Nadia, what?"

"Do you have a cloth we can wrap these in?" She cut me off briskly.

"Y-yea I think so," I pressed my back against the wall and slid myself up so I could stand. I grabbed a discarded towel from the corner and handed it to her.

She used it to pull them down, careful not to put her hands on them, and then wrapped them together in the towel.

"Grab your things and let's go." She said.

"Go where? What is happening?" I cried out in frustration. I felt like a child and I knew I sounded like one at that moment.

"I'll explain when it's done. We need to move quickly." Her tone didn't leave room for argument.

I gathered my things, leaving my other photos hanging for the next morning, and followed her out into the darkness of the long-abandoned photography studio. We walked to the park near campus where I had shot the photos. She dropped her bag near a tree and unzipped it, pulling out a glass jar, red cord, and a trowel.

"Nadia?" She ignored me, continuing to fiddle with her things. "Nadia, stop!" The wind picked up for a moment, blowing around us before calming once more.

"Did you call it here?" She asked, her voice wavering just a bit.

"What?"

"Did you call this demon here?!" It was the first time I'd seen her truly upset, but under the anger was fear, and it killed me because I knew deep down it was a fear of me.

"No," I said, taken aback. "No, I don't even know how I would begin to do something like that let alone want to. You've always told me to avoid calling on elementals or anything because they are unpredictable. How could you ask me that?" It hurt, her fear of me, she was all I had here and I didn't want to drive her away too.

"You can get a little reckless when you want to try something new." She said flatly.

"Reckless?" I scoffed, as the wind kicked up once more. It was like a storm was brewing around us.

"You want to know more than you do, you're always searching just past what you already know and that's great but implementing something before you're ready isn't safe."

"Good to know you think I'm out here calling dark magicks, but I did not do this."

"Kari I can feel the energy around you, I knew it was drawn to you, but," She paused, collecting herself, "I just never expected to see it quite this way."

I shivered, fear creeping up my spine because I could feel it just as I had in the darkroom.

"I can feel it," I admitted.

"It calls you," she looked up at me, but without fear now, all that was left was sympathy.

"Why!" I cried out. "What do you want from me!" I screamed into the wind around us and fell to my knees.

"You know what it wants," I could barely hear her voice through the wind.

"I don't have power. I don't know how to do anything. I'm nothing." I was stopped with a hard slap across my face. I looked up towards Nadia and she looked wild then, her hair dancing around her head and her eyes hard.

"The belief that you are weak will be your downfall."

The wind around us slowed and settled once more. I felt so lost, so angry, and I wondered if that's why it wanted me. I never understood why I had the crest of light when there was so much ugliness inside of me. How many times had I let it overtake me? How many times would it happen in the future? I wanted to fight. I wanted to be stronger than it.

"I don't want it. I don't want the darkness, I don't care how much it wants me," I said, firmly.

"We all want it a little bit," she knelt down and placed her hands on my shoulders. She met my eyes again, "The pull to darkness is strong because there is so much power there and if it wants you it's easy to attain. Everyone wants some of that power and there is no shame in that. Being good, truly good is hard, it takes real work and effort."

It's like I could feel it around us now, creeping at my edges, begging me to let it in. How easy would it make my life? What could I have? What could I take? No. I closed my eyes tight and shook my thoughts away.

"I'd rather walk a harder path," I said, meeting her eyes.

She nodded, "Then let me teach you how to banish this."

"Do we burn it?" I asked.

"No, never damage the photo, burns or rips can release the demon. It's trapped in the photos, and we want to keep it that way."

I nodded understanding, she pulled out gloves and instructed me to put them on.

"I'm not watching?" I said, unsure.

"It has to be you. You can do this."

She instructed me to take the photos out of their wrapping and roll them together like a diploma.

"Now, take the red twine and wrap the photos repeating this spell; "I bind you, I bind your power, your energy, and the space you wish to fill. I bind you to protect myself and others."

I wrapped the photos, repeating the words, and feeling my fingers start to tingle. I didn't always have a physical reaction to the magic we practiced, but this was different.

"Place the wrapped bundle in the jar and seal it."

I did as I was told, "Now what?"

"Now we dig," she pulled out another small hand shovel and together we dug a hole, a deep hole, it took up almost an hour and I was exhausted by the time she deemed us finished. As we buried the jar I felt the air around us get lighter and my head didn't have as much pressure anymore.

"What if someone finds it?"

"Unlikely," she said, placing her hand on the mound of fresh dirt and watched as it settled like it hadn't been touched for years. Grass grew quickly in the place it had been before we tore it out.

She taught me over the years the way placing something in the earth could contain it better than anything else. People often discounted the power of earth over things like air and fire when it came to elemental magic, but earth was just as powerful, if not more so.

I looked up towards her but her face started to fade and distort into a lifeless blue color. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing was coming out. It was twisted and horrible, and I thought her jaw might break until finally, her voice exploded into a single word.

"Run."

I jolted forward, disoriented, and frightened but finally realizing I had dozed off on the train. I was left with nothing but that memory from years ago and the horror of the day I was leaving behind.

I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes but I willed them away. I couldn't fall apart right now. I needed to keep myself together before I drew even more attention to myself. The thought of her though was so painful and I wondered if I should even be going home. I'd lost so much over the years and it felt more and more like it was all my fault. I felt cursed. I still remember that day so vividly, the feel of the darkness, and the horror that it wanted me.

There were times that I wondered if it would be better for everyone if I just gave into it. Like, maybe if I had that power I could protect the ones I love? Something in me knew that was an idealistic and foolish thought, so I fought against it, but I didn't know if it was ever going to stop chasing me, and I was getting tired.

Whatever happened, this needed to be the end of it. I had to figure out what Kato was and only one of us could be left standing when this was over.

* * *

_**5 Years Earlier - Kari** _

We walked into an expected mess. Snack bags and empty tea bottles littered the floor in a way I hadn't seen in a few years. TK and I shared a look before bending down to clean things up a bit. Izzy finally noticed us as we started dumping things into the trash near him, having been so engrossed in the computer to even hear us walk in.

"Are you both okay?" He had bags under his eyes and I felt a pang of guilt, he stayed awake because _I_ needed help. He was looking us over in abject horror, probably thinking of the way our brothers might react.

"Yea," I said quickly before TK could comment. He gave me a look that said, "don't lie," and I sent one back saying," I'm not." We kept it at that as he told us to sit and try to relax until everyone else arrived. I did that, but TK headed over by his computer to try to decipher what was happening on the screen, while never taking his eyes off of me, and it sent another pang of guilt through me. Here I was needing to be protected, _again_.

I wrapped my arms around my legs still feeling cold, hoping that someone would bring something I could change into and I wasn't disappointed when Sora was the first one to walk through the door, and with a duffle bag. Once she determined the two of us were safe and sound she handed me the bag so I could change. She'd brought enough clothing for three of us, but I was grateful for all the choices at that moment. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants a few inches too long and rolled them up at the legs, pulled on a tank top, and threw on one of her old soccer sweatshirts, cozy, and soft from years of wear. I came back out and saw that Matt had made it there. He and TK were talking in hushed voices in the corner while Sora was now over Izzy's shoulder watching him type away.

"You okay," Matt gave me a once over, making sure all limbs were still attached before placing his hands on my shoulders and leaning down so he was at eye level.

"Yea," I said again, not wanting to alarm anyone just yet with the fear that was building in me. I gently pulled myself out of his grip, sat down, and curled up again, feeling exhausted.

I'd closed my eyes for a few minutes and cracked them open when I felt the couch go in near my feet. I saw TK was sitting on the other end in some of Matt's old clothes. Mimi and Joe arrived around the same time with Yolei and Cody following in a few minutes after. Ken and Davis came barreling in next, with Ken trying to keep Davis quiet while he asked 100 questions a minute. I felt myself growing irritated by the noise of everyone around me. Yolei and Mimi had swarmed us upon arrival to make sure we were okay. Now, Davis was yelling about what we needed to do to take this thing down while Ken looked over with sympathetic eyes, having had his own experience with the ocean, he knew better.

I'd had enough, I put my hands over my ears. "Stop, stop it, _STOP_ ," I yelled, unable to control myself. I felt hands on me, which took me back to the beach earlier and that monster's hand around my forearm. I thrashed, pulling roughly away.

" _Kari!"_ That voice, I shot my eyes open and stared back at a pair matching my own. They brought me back to where I was, in this small room, surrounded by my friends. His eyes grew weary as one of his hands moved from my shoulder to my forearm, the one that had remained icy cold since coming back.

"It won't get warm," my voice was weak, I was so tired and felt like my entire body was clenching to warm up.

I felt things getting fuzzy and saw the ocean for a moment. I heard yelling and felt people reaching out until I blinked back into Izzy's office and had TK grasping onto me. Everyone stared at the pair of us as if we were ghosts, I looked down to make sure we were both still solid.

"What the hell is going on?" Matt said, with wide eyes.

While my brother turned to Izzy desperately, "Izzy?"

"I'm not exactly sure yet, but based on what we've just seen I think TK should stay near Kari for the time being, everyone please sit down and we can try to recap."

So everyone, too startled to argue did just that, crowded around the table while we relayed all the recent events.

* * *

It had been two days, two days of being hovered over, two days of TK by my side, and two days with very few answers. It was somewhere around the 30-hour mark that I started to lose touch with reality. The only time I dared to close my eyes was when TK was somehow in physical contact with me, one of the few things we had figured out was that he was able to keep me, and bring me back to the world if I was being taken. So, now he looked at me like a child about to break, and I hated it. I hated leaning on anyone, least of all TK. Our relationship had become one of mutual reliance, we took care of each other, but I'd always felt equally as important and useful as him. Now, I felt like this huge weight he had to carry.

We'd tested being apart a few times, we did need _some_ space, and it seemed like we might be safe for the moment. There hadn't been another attempt to snatch me so I'd been granted permission to take a shower, promising to yell if I felt hazy, while TK sat outside the door like a knight protecting a helpless princess in a tower. I stood under the water and turned it as hot as I could without scolding myself, still feeling chilled from that spot on my arm. It hovered between sharp, throbbing, and at best a dull ache. I scrubbed as hard as I could, knowing it might be a few days before I'd have time to be alone again. Currently, I was with Sora, TK, Matt, and Joe in Matt's apartment. The others were at school or taking care of errands, with all of us planning to meet back at Izzy's later tonight.

I got out of the shower, quickly drying off, knowing my alone time was going to expire eventually and they'd want me back within sight. Things get hazy for me after that. I remember pulling on my underwear and shorts and tugging my bralette over my head. I remember the way the condensation felt against my skin as I wiped it off of the mirror, staring at myself, the dark circles that left bruises under my eyes, and the way my skin had paled. The dull ache in my arm grew stronger, throbbing, pulsing like a heartbeat. I scratched at my arm, trying to feel around thinking there must have been something inside of me, how else could I still be feeling this cold. How could a touch do this to me? My head started to spin, I held onto the counter to keep my balance wanting desperately, more than anything, to stop feeling that ice-cold that kept me chilled to the bone.

I don't remember grabbing the razor blade from the cabinet, the way it felt as I dug it into my skin, or the sound it made as it fell from my fingers onto the floor. What I do remember is the way the blood felt as it ran over my skin, the warmth that finally dulled the cold that had made it's home in my body. I heard banging but I couldn't place if it was real or not, too focused on the red liquid that ran down my arm. I wondered if I'd got it out, the cold.

When I looked up towards the door I saw TK's horrified face.

"I cut it out," I said before the world started to spin and I felt his arms around me as I fell towards the ground. Everything was muffled after that, the voices that surrounded me and the pressure I felt against my arm, all I knew is that I was finally warm, and I could finally sleep.

* * *


	4. Sad Beautiful Tragic

**Chapter 4: Sad Beautiful Tragic**

* * *

_TK_

We were running back to Kari's apartment, trying to get away from an oncoming downpour. The air had started getting heavy while we were hanging out at the beach with Ken, Yolei, Davis, and Cody. A cherry blue, cloudless sky had greeted us that morning but by afternoon a storm had rushed in and taken us by surprise.

Most of our group had made it to the subway platform but I noticed Kari started trailing behind. I stopped and turned to make sure she was okay and I saw her staring up at the clouds, a calm serene look crossing her face as her eyes gently closed.

I felt raindrops start to ping on my head, opened my mouth to call her, but was startled when I saw the rain fall around her, _literally_ around her. It was like an invisible barrier surrounded her, keeping her safe and dry as I became soaked to the bone. I moved towards her slowly, blinking and wiping water off my face trying to decipher the truth of what I was seeing. She slowly turned her head down and towards me, as her eyes opened it was like a veil was lifted, and the rain covered her as it had been drenching me. She started running, grabbing my hand, laughing, and jogging towards the platform as if the last few seconds never happened.

I gasped and sat up, disorientated.

"You okay?" Tai said.

I blinked a few times realizing where I was and why I was there. I'd dozed off. "Yea, I." I stopped, not wanting to share this particular dream. "Just forgot where I was." He nodded, too stressed to dig any further.

That day at the beach. I never knew how to process it in my head, where her body seemed outside of our reality. Kari had always been affected by the digital world differently, always the one to lose her body to disembodied voices who used her like real-estate. Then the ocean, and it's inexplicable draw to her. I know Izzy spent some time trying to figure out why she was targeted but there were never any concrete answers. I always hated the idea that she just happened to be vulnerable, she was strong, and the idea that she was an easy target always sat wrong.

Kari was different. I used to think I might be too. The way we seemed tied together in unbreakable knots when we were growing up, but once we were apart and my head became more clear I tried to believe they were just coincidences. The way I was able to help bring her back from that world though, why me, why not Tai? Why were our dreams connected? Why could I feel that something was wrong right now? Was it something beyond my own anxiety about the situation? It's like my body was trying to tell me where she was in pain. I had a gentle throbbing in my left eye, and every once in a while my side would start to hurt. Maybe I was just getting a headache, maybe my anxiety was manifesting in my stomach and chest, maybe all of that was true and explainable, but it felt different. It didn't feel like mine. Now this memory pops up, I hadn't thought of that day in so long, but I felt like it was important.

Or was I once again just lost in my memories? Sometimes I felt like my feet were firmly planted in the past, so unable to move forward when so much of my existence seemed defined by moments long gone.

Tai walked circles around the apartment, Izzy typed away on his computer, and my head was stuck in the clouds. I was going to need to be more useful than this.

Tai looked at his watch and then started getting ready to leave. He'd decided to go wait at the train station to try and intercept her. Izzy excused himself to the restroom and Tai used the moment to remind me that I needed to go take my meds.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Tai said, placing a steady hand on my shoulder. It should have been comforting but it made me feel small. We'd become closer than he and my brother were at this point, and I truly felt like an equal. This though had changed the dynamic.

"I'm a big boy. I can handle it," I regretted the childishness of it the moment I said it.

"You know I don't mean it to be a dick."

"I know," I said, and I did know. Still stung a bit though.

We left Izzy at Tai's place and headed out. He planned to wait for about two hours. We looked up the trains that had left Kyoto and timed them out based on when she had texted, so we had a pretty clear window of when she should get in. Hopefully, then we could get some answers.

"Do you think she's okay?" He asked suddenly as we were about to part. He looked away from me towards the ground, kicking the concrete, as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets.

I thought about it. "I don't know," I said honestly. My face throbbed a bit as the words came out, nudging me towards the truth that she was hurt. How could I tell him that though? It all seemed crazy and I didn't need him worrying about my mental state too.

He nodded and silently headed off towards the station while I made the walk back to my apartment. When I got there the air felt thick, like someone had shut all the windows on a ninety-degree day. It was unsettling. I turned on all the lights as I made my way through and decided to pack a bag, something told me this wasn't going to be a one and done type of situation. I grabbed my pill bottles, some clothes, a ball cap, my computer, and a notebook, shoving it all haphazardly into my backpack. As I started to shut the lights off to leave I had the feeling something was there, watching me. I paused at the door taking one last look around before shutting off the light and heading back to Tai's, trying to leave the heavy feeling behind.

I found myself being drawn to the beach though. The same spot we'd met on so many days and nights in our youth. After she left for school I stopped coming here. It almost felt like trespassing, this place belonged to both of us, and neither got it in the separation. My chest started feeling tight and I needed to breathe deeper than normal. I dropped my backpack and pulled out one of my pill bottles, uncapping it angrily and taking it dry. I didn't mind my meds, for the most part, they kept me stable, and gave me a sense of peace my adolescence desperately lacked. It was the Xanax that pissed me off. I wanted to be past the panic that could come up from time to time, I wanted to outgrow it, to outrun it, but every so often it crept back in making it hard to breathe. I knew logically it was okay to be panicked right now, it was a very reasonable time to panic, but I wanted to be stronger than this. I wanted to be strong for everyone. I closed my eyes, tried to take a few deep breathes, and let the sound of the ocean overtake the places my head wanted me to travel. Sometimes the feeling was so real, so acute, that I wondered if I was actually crazy or if I just knew something everyone else didn't. This felt like one of those times. Kari wasn't okay, I was worried she was hurt, and I knew she was scared. Voicing that would make me sound like I was losing it though, and I couldn't have Tai sitting me out.

After a few minutes, the knots in my chest started to unwind, but something lingered, I just hoped it wasn't as bad as I feared.

* * *

_Kari_

The closer I got to home the more my mind traveled back to TK. Seeing him in my dream had thrown me. It had been a long time since I'd seen his face so vividly. I wondered if I would see him, if he was still there, and if he and my brother were still close. The last time I'd seen him was a couple of years earlier. Well kind of, I hadn't actually been there in body, just in spirit.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Nadia had looked at me with a pity I hated to see.

I laid down onto my bed, "Yes," I said, settling into the choice I had made. I needed to know he was okay. Even though it had been over a year since I left I still felt connected to him and something deep in my gut said that something was wrong. Nadia had taught me about astral projection a few months back but I'd held off, afraid of being outside of my body after having it taken over so many times in my youth like if I left it for too long someone else would take it from me. Today though, I just needed an answer to the feeling I had.

I let my body become still, let my breathing become even, and thought about him. The way his hair would fall gently into his eyes when he bent over to write, the color of his eyes like the ocean on a clear day, his voice and his laughter.

I opened my eyes to a coffee shop in Odaiba. For a moment it was like I was physically there until someone walked right through me, something that was startling, and I was reminded of why I was here. I scanned the room and found him easily, head tipped as he looked down at his laptop, one hand on his keyboard and the other scratching the back of his head. I moved closer until I was only a couple of steps away from his table and then he did something I didn't expect. He looked up and right into my eyes, they left mine quickly though as they darted around the room like he was searching. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, as a pained look crossed his face.

The feeling came again, someone passing through me, but I was left with a familiar sense and once they sat down I was shocked to see my brother.

"Hey, you look like you've seen a ghost, you okay?"

TK opened his eyes, seeming to realize where he was again. I noticed his shoulders slump a bit. He placed a hand over his face and talked through his fingers, "You wouldn't believe me if I said it out loud."

Tai's features changed, quickly, from playful to concerned. "What is it?"

TK's hand dropped, he shook his head gently, "I swore I could feel her here, could smell her."

Tai's face scrunched up, "On a list of things I never need to hear, one is how my sister smells."

"Ugh, sorry, but I swear it was like, like she was standing right in front of me but no one was there."

"Have you been doing okay? Ya know with-"

TK cut him off, "Yea, fine. I mean I'm stressed but I'm fine."

My brother's mouth was moving but no words were coming out. TK started to look hazy, I reached out but when the world came back into focus I was sitting up in my bed, reaching out for air. My eyes clouded over and I pulled my knees towards my chest, letting my head fall into them as tears streamed down my face.

I head Nadia sigh, "I told you this may not be a good idea, but was he physically okay?"

I nodded my head yes, refusing to look up, feeling too stupid to acknowledge that I made a mistake. I heard her quietly get up and leave the room, knowing that I wouldn't be talking tonight. I curled myself into a ball and choked out a sob once I knew I was alone. He still thought about me but never reached out, and neither did I and here we were. Was it stubbornness or pain? I wasn't sure anymore.

When I left home I'd mourned him like you might mourn a dead lover, wrapping up his memories haphazardly and hiding them away in a box. It was left covered in a layer of guilt masquerading as dust on my bookshelf. I left it where I could still see it, but high enough that it wasn't easy to reach, keeping me from it unless a desperate moment came over me. Opening the box could cause an onslaught of emotions ranging from the safe, numbness, to the chaotic, body wracking sobs. The scent of him lingered from an old T-shirt, fading with each opening of the box, another reason I kept it closed, like if it stayed that way he might still remain a part of me. Trinkets and photos lay unorganized along the bottom. My spirit melded into the sides of that box, locked away with my heart, one I'd never fully given away. It lived in limbo, just like I had since I'd left home.

For over ten years we built up a friendship, we were family, our lives intertwined like leaves on a vine. I didn't know how to move on except to run away, to get myself away from the reminders of what I'd lost. Some days it almost felt like I could make it. I could create a new life far from home, find a new family, maybe fall in love. Seeing him though, hearing my name fall from his lips with a longing I'd always wanted, had me back at square one like I was an addict who had relapsed.

The fact that he'd felt me there, that he somehow knew I was in the coffee shop had thrown me. How we were that connected was beyond me. Nadia had told me that no one would be able to notice me. It was the only reason I'd done it at all. I wanted to ask her but I also just wanted to bury it away.

That night I got whiskey drunk and blocked all of his social media pages so I wouldn't see him tagged in anyone's photos, which is what had prompted my sad adventure in the first place. He'd been tagged by Davis in a photo and he looked so tired, so out of it, that it made me worry. I just wanted to know he was okay. He was alive, and that needed to be enough.

It had now been five years since we'd actually been in the same place, and I wasn't sure yet if I desperately wanted to see him or hide away where he couldn't find me. I tried closing my eyes, I would be home soon, and I had more life-threatening things to worry about.

* * *

_**Five Years Earlier - TK** _

"Joe!" I yelled, something primal, begging him to come to the bathroom where I held Kari in my arms. It wasn't just him, Sora and my brother were quickly behind him, but my brother tried to pull Sora back as Kari came into view.

"TK, take this towel and hold it over her arm, can you do that?" Joe's voice filled my head, I nodded and did as I was told, holding it tight over her arm, trying to stop the blood that was steadily flowing. He gave directions to my brother and Sora as everyone scattered, grabbing medical supplies and warm clothing to get her in once we were finished.

Joe gently pulled my hands away, removed the towel, and started to clean the wound.

"It's not deep, we just need to clean it and keep it wrapped, she's going to be okay, do you understand?"

I nodded, unable to look up towards him for the reassurance he was giving me.

"TK why don't you get out of there and I can help Joe?" My brother's hand landed on my shoulder but I shook him off.

"I'm not leaving. I can help." I said, looking up at Joe with clear eyes.

I helped him dress her wound properly, he started wrapping her arm once the bandage was placed, and he taped off the edges.

"Should we take her to a hospital?" Sora asked, wearily.

"And tell them what?" Matt said.

"She said, she cut it out." My voice was quiet as I held my hand over the bandage.

"What?" My brother asked, breathless and horrified.

"She looked at me and said, "I cut it out," the cold spot it's … it's warm now."

"TK it's just the bandage," He tried to reason.

"No, I could feel it before, even through a sweatshirt, there was still this chill but it's gone now. She wasn't trying to hurt herself, not on purpose." I told them as much as I was trying to tell myself. She couldn't have meant it. I had to believe that.

"So what do we do?" Sora again, trying to figure out a solution to an impossible situation.

"If we take her to a hospital they are going to put her into a 72-hour hold, alone. TK won't be able to be with her and she would be vulnerable to the dark ocean," said Joe.

"Maybe it's time to call in some help," we all looked toward my brother, knowing who he meant, the people we'd been avoiding since our last venture into the digital world.

"Let's have everyone meet here tonight, this way we don't have to move her, and someone needs to call Tai," said Joe.

"I'll do it, you guys contact everyone else," Matt left the room, grabbing his phone as he went.

"TK," Sora came to kneel by me with a rag in her hand, she started to wipe the remaining blood from Kari, cleaning her the best she could before turning back to me, "Let Joe take Kari to the couch, I need to clean up in here and you," she paused, biting her lip, looking more uneasy. "You need to change."

I looked down at myself, my shirt covered in Kari's blood, my eyes went wide and I simply nodded. I felt the weight of her leave my body, Sora helped me up and I headed towards my brother's room. I grabbed a new shirt and pair of sweats I'd stored here months earlier on the occasion I'd stay the night, never imagining I'd need them like this. I headed back out and waited outside the bathroom until Sora was finished, watching the soft rise and fall of Kari's chest over on the couch.

"It's all set," Sora's gentle voice came from the bathroom. I headed in, seeing that it was in fact clean as if nothing had ever happened. I walked passed her towards the sink and got a look at myself in the mirror, I felt dizzy for a moment, looking at the blood that was swiped across my face and the dark stain that covered my shirt. I looked away digging my hands into the sink, and I felt Sora put her hands on my shoulders.

"Don't," she backed away for a moment at the harshness of it, "You'll get it on you," My voice quivered as I tried to hold back tears.

"Oh TK," She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight, her forehead resting against my back. I felt the warm tears fall from my eyes as I silently cried in that bathroom, covered in Kari's blood, feeling more helpless than I'd felt since I was eight years old falling from that rope in the digital world. I was supposed to protect her, and I couldn't. I failed.


	5. It's Nice to Have a Friend

**Chapter 5: It's Nice To Have A Friend**

* * *

_**Five Years Earlier- Kari** _

I woke up with pain in my arm, but the cold was gone, replaced with a warmth I'd been craving for days. I opened my eyes and saw an arm draped across me and realized my head was in someone's lap. Looking up, I saw TK, his head in his hand resting against the arm of Matt's couch. I followed the pain towards my arm, wrapped in bandages, and jolted up once I realized how I'd come to be wrapped up like that.

It seemed like a faraway dream when it was happening, I pulled at the dressing, but was stopped by strong hands.

"Hey, relax." His hands wrapped around my own, " _Please_." His voice was hoarse and he sounded exhausted. I turned back to him and he looked startled by what he found in my eyes, they were wide, I probably looked wild. One of his hands reached towards my face, "You're safe."

I relaxed a bit, looking back towards my arm, "Did I?"

"Yes," his response was quick, robotic, and almost harsh.

"I didn't," I felt tears prick my eyes and I tried to push them away. I almost never cried in front of TK and I didn't want to start now. I knew how everyone felt about me, especially now, trying so fiercely to protect me when all I wanted was to protect myself. I clenched them tight, keeping my back towards him and taking a breath, "It felt like a dream. It's all foggy. I wasn't trying to hurt myself. I just wanted it to stop."

I felt his head fall gently against my back, "I thought you were gone," that hoarseness back in his voice. I couldn't stop the tears that started to fall then, I hated to worry anyone, I can't imagine what I made him feel.

"I'm sorry," my voice shook, I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his head moved to my shoulder.

"Please, talk to me, tell me what happened." He squeezed me tighter for a moment and I felt his warm breath against my neck, "Let me help."

Let him help? He'd already done so much for me, why should I burden him more with the hopelessness I felt. At the same time, I didn't want to lie to him, I just wanted someone to understand and I thought if anyone was going to, he might.

"I don't know what happened, the cold was making me crazy, the feeling overwhelmed me. Imagine the feeling you get when you hold a snowball in your hands for too long and you go between that prickly pain and numbness. Now, imagine it venturing between throbbing pain and a sharp stabbing, and you just can't get warm. I just wanted it to stop, the next thing I knew there was blood, and it was finally warm again."

"Why didn't you tell us it was that bad?"

"Everyone was already hovering over me. You're exhausted. I didn't want to add anything else to become more of a pain."

He held me tighter again, "Kari, you are _not_ a burden. We all need each other and you would be doing the same for anyone else in the group, stop putting yourself in this place where you don't deserve the same. Have more respect for yourself than that."

I flinched at his words, feeling chastised, knowing he was right, and feeling stupid for letting it get so bad.

I didn't know what else to say so I settled on the truth, "I'm scared."

"I'm scared too."

At least I wasn't the only one.

"How are we suppose to beat this thing if it can drive you insane with one touch?" I asked, desperately.

He put his head on my shoulder and turned so he was looking at my face, his breath against my cheek, "I don't know why it's me who can keep you here, or bring you back, I don't understand it. But, I'll do anything I can to help keep it from taking you until we can figure it out."

My heart ached, "Our crests have always been weird haven't they?" I said.

"You can say that again, too bad no one ever bothered to explain exactly why. Beyond that first prophecy, we've never had any real answers. Like, why Davis and the others share everyone else's crests but ours remain our own."

I never understood our connection. I just accepted it, embraced it most of the time, because in a way I felt like we were lucky. When no one else could understand what was happening, we had each other. Yet, here we were, me keeping secrets and both of us paying for it, both of us hurting. My mind drifted back to my arm. I was so confused, had there actually been something inside of me?

"Why would, and how could, what I did make the cold stop." My voice sounded far away, I didn't mean to speak out loud and now we both sat with this.

I relaxed fully against him, trying to let any remaining tension go for the time. We didn't speak after that, both lost to a situation we couldn't control, and instead allowed ourselves to feel a bit of comfort. His arms stayed wrapped around me, his head rested against my own, while I threaded my arms around one of his, holding onto him like a lifeline. We fell asleep like that, cuddled together on the couch, safe for the time.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed and my eyes were still closed, but I knew my brother was standing over me. I could feel his eyes on me and sense the fear coming off of him. I opened my eyes and saw him leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, studying me, like he wasn't sure who I was. I felt exposed and self-conscious, knowing what I had done and how I would be judged for it. I sat up, severing the connection between TK and myself, letting him gently fall against the couch. He shifted a bit but continued to sleep, and for that, I was grateful, after everything he went through he deserved it. I let myself sit onto the floor, stretching out my legs, staring down at them, afraid to gaze back towards my brother.

"We're closing the gate."

I looked up then, towards his tired face, and sad eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not believing it could be true.

"We're closing the gate to the digital world, which should close the gate to the dark ocean, and then this nightmare will be over." His voice was gentle. I stared at him wide-eyed, knowing the graveness of what it meant, knowing our friends would be locked away. Locked away because of _me_.

"We can't do that. We have to find another way."

"Kari."

"We'll fight, we always do, I can fight it."

"Kari."

"I can be stronger."

"Kari, stop," He'd moved from the wall and crouched down in front of me. "Look at what it's done to you. Look at what it's doing to all of us. We can't fight something that we can't safely reach, and the energy there is different. Izzy's looked into everything he can find about Dragomon and he's got the power of two guardians. No Digimon in the digital world has ever even heard of him. He's a total mystery. We don't have enough power or information. It's time to fall back."

My vision got blurry, "I can be stronger," I said again as the tears streamed down my face.

"It's not about being stronger right now, it's about being smarter. Izzy is going to continue to look for a solution, but until then we need to create a barrier to keep you and everyone else safe."

"So we're just going to run away and give up." I balled up my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms.

"No, we fall back and regroup, it's strategy Kari."

"Since when do you have strategy."

"Since our enemy almost caused my sister to kill herself." He said, taking my hands into his own and gently opening each palm, showing the half-moon imprints from my nails.

Shame flowed through my body. My fault, I thought. All of this was my fault.

"No one is blaming you for this. We all agreed."

"What do you mean we?"

"We all talked, and we all agree that this is what we should do, it was unanimous."

"Everyone except for TK and I?"

"We didn't want to wake you, you both were finally sleeping."

I wanted to scream, everything we'd done over the past few years to help create peace, and it was being thrown away because I was vulnerable.

"This is _not_ your fault." His hands came to rest on my shoulders and he pulled me close. I curled up against his chest, sobbing, thinking about how terrible everyone would feel having to say goodbye again.

"What's going on?" I froze, hearing TK's voice. Tai held me tighter, filling him in without letting me go. I don't remember a lot of that day, but I do remember the sound of TK's silence hearing the news. He never argued, or fought, he just sat still and accepted the fate everyone had decided for us.

We spent the next few hours saying our goodbyes. I remember Gatomon holding my hand tight, and telling me that she would see me again, but somehow I knew this time was different. We shut the gate and Izzy told the other children around the world that the gate closed on its own. Wallace was the only one who knew the truth, being the only one as smart as Izzy, we knew he would figure it out.

The lie never sat right with me, I knew deep down this was a selfish decision to protect me.

After that things started to change. Matt decided to drop out of college and tour with his most recent band. Mimi moved back to the US to finish culinary school. Izzy started to travel more, taking on consulting jobs. In a way we were free, to live our lives without the shadow of the digital world hanging over us, we didn't need to be in the same place anymore.

I refused to talk about what happened, Yolei and Sora had tried several times, but I couldn't go back there. TK and I didn't speak for a week. It felt so long to be without his voice and presence. Then one day he showed up after my mother had gone out to the store. We sat out on my balcony in silence, watching the world go on around us, oblivious to our concerns.

"I'm sorry," I looked towards him and saw tears streaked across his face as he spoke. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it."

He was sorry. I'd thought he blamed me for the closing of the worlds. Yet here he was saying sorry after he did everything he could to keep me safe and after _literally_ saving me.

I moved over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face into his chest, "You protected me, this could never be your fault." I felt my own tears fall as his hands came to rest on my back and his head fell against my own.

After that day we became even closer if that was even possible. We were the only ones who truly understood the failure we both felt. We didn't talk about it much, letting it drift away like a bad memory, moving on with our lives and whatever they might look like after this.

I'm not sure how else to explain what happened later that year, other than a tornado came through and swept my life into even more of a tailspin. How a night could go from a hazy dream that I could have existed in for the rest of my life into the destructive force it became is beyond me.

As the months went on, life seemed to be returning to some sort of normalcy, we were making plans for college, finishing school and just being regular kids. There was a lightness to it, knowing that we wouldn't be called away into the digital world made life quiet in a way we never truly experienced before. I hated to admit that some days it almost felt good, and I would have never said it out loud, but the feeling was there.

I stood in front of the mirror looking myself over as I got ready for our end of year dance, I'd lost a little weight from the stress of the previous months, but I still looked pretty healthy. My arm was finally healed and all that remained was a light scar, I ran my fingers down it hoping no one would notice. This was the first time I wouldn't be wearing sleeves in public. For months I hid my arm, I couldn't even look at it, and I kept it wrapped long past the point that I needed to. I treated it like a bad dream and buried it away. I felt so much shame, for the act itself and then for how often I thought of it after, and how sometimes a voice in my head called for me to re-open the wound.

I shook away my morbid thoughts and finished applying my makeup with a few swipes of mascara. I stood back, normal, I thought. I can be normal.

Tai had been over for dinner and offered to walk me to the school, he'd spent a bit more time at home since everything. Sometimes it felt a little suffocating, and it prevented me from pretending like that day didn't happen, but I couldn't complain too much. Having him home was always better than having him away. We chatted about his plans for the summer, he and a few friends were renting a cabin and heading camping for a few weeks, but he promised to be back to see me off to college. TK and I had both gotten into a university a few hours away in Kyoto, it felt good to know I wouldn't be alone, but it felt a little scary leaving all the same. Leaving felt right though, getting some distance from everything felt like it might give us a fresh start.

My brother left me at the front of the school and I headed in and towards the gardens in the back of school. There were fairy lights strung up overhead across the expansive green space, music playing, and kids dancing. I took a moment to take it all in, such a simple moment, so many like this that we'd missed in the past because we were battling in another world. For a moment I thought I saw the lights move around, almost like they were dancing in the sky, but after a second they were still again. I shook my head, a combination of the wind and a lack of sleep was making me see things.

A couple of my friends ran over red-faced from dancing and giggling over a crush one of the girls had on a boy in our class. We grabbed something to drink and chatted about classes.

"I was wondering when you'd show up," TK's voiced came from behind me, he had a lopsided grin on his face as I turned towards him. He cleaned up _so_ well. He always dressed better than most of the other guys in our class and tonight was no different. He had on dark slim dress pants, and a simple light green dress shirt, top two buttons were undone, no tie, simple and classic.

He leaned in a little closer, "All the guys in here are staring at you." He smirked as he leaned back.

"Is that your way of saying I look nice," I joked with him, and he sent me a simple wink in response.

I had on a knee-length, cream-colored fit and flare dress, with flowy cap sleeves. It was simple and pretty modest, but it highlighted my features just enough. My friends giggled at us and ran off, they were always teasing me about our closeness but we'd learned to ignore it long ago.

"Come on," I was a little surprised when he took my hand and led me into the group of dancing students, but he dropped it when we got to a group of mutual friends. Davis was showing off in the center, per usual, and I couldn't help but smile at his antics. He matured up a lot over the years and had become a trusted and reliable friend. He'd been eyeing a girl in our class for a while and was really trying his best to get her attention, she acted like she wasn't interested but I saw the way she looked at him when no one was looking. We all danced together in the group, laughing and enjoying the night, not thinking about finals or what came next, just being in the moment.

There was a gentle breeze which helped offset how warm I was from all the dancing. I went to go take a break as the music started to slow down, but I found my hand in TK's again.

"Dance with me?" He sounded almost shy, gone was his cocky joking, and what was left were unsure blue eyes and a hopeful smile.

I nodded and let him pull me closer as he wrapped one arm around my waist and kept my hand tight in the other. Being this close to him made me feel almost dizzy, we'd never danced like this together before, and I found myself feeling elated that it was a longer song. Lost in the moment I let my head fall against his shoulder, my heels giving me the height I needed to reach them, and I felt a shiver as his hand wrapped further around my waist, holding me a little closer. I felt his head rest gently against mine for a moment, and when he pulled away I looked up towards him. The song was playing its final notes, but he held onto me.

"Kari," His face was close to mine and his voice was just above a whisper.

My stomach flipped as I realized he was about to kiss me, but the moment was ruined when a popular song came on and the group next to us ended up bumping into him and shoved us right out of the moment. He bowed his head and shook it with a smile before playfully spinning me around and joining our friend group once more. The rest of the night was spent with shy looks towards one another and pleasant conversation among our group. Davis and the object of his affection had gone off to the side to cozy up, at least one of us was getting what we hoped for, I thought with a laugh.

TK walked me home that night, shoulder to shoulder in comfortable silence until his hand bumped mine twice and then his fingers threaded themselves through my own. I felt my body get hot and all the heat rush to my face, but neither one of us said anything. We continued ahead as if it was what we always did. He insisted on walking me all the way up, something he rarely did. When we got to my door I leaned my back against it and looked up, he really was beautiful, with eyes the color of the sky on the clearest day and a golden halo of hair. His face had started to thin out a bit over the past year but his features were still soft, unlike Matt's sharper features. He reached towards me and tucked a stray hair behind my ear as my tongue darted out to wet my lips. He started to lean forward but my next-door neighbor opened their door and he jumped back, startled. We politely said hello and then turned back towards each other and started to laugh, the sort of laugh that feels like a giggle out of control. I heard my mom yell from the other side of the door and knew our moment was gone. I shouted, "just a minute," before looking back to say goodbye.

He pulled me into a hug, resting his head on top of mine, and planted a chaste kiss on the top of my head, "There's always next time," he said pulling away.

"Next time," I nodded back before heading inside.

I quickly said hello to my mother but rushed into my room to hide the blush on my face and the smile that wouldn't falter. A few minutes later my phone buzzed with a text.

TK: Hey, can we talk tomorrow? 11 am? Beach?

Kari: Yea, everything okay?

I felt my stomach drop, what if I read everything wrong tonight.

TK: Yea silly everything's great.

TK: I had a really good time tonight.

I breathed a sigh of relief before texting back.

Kari: Me too.

TK: And for the record, you looked amazing tonight.

I felt myself heat up again, and there goes that stomach flip. I tried to think of a clever response but I didn't want to play around anymore. I wanted direct.

Kari: So when you said the other guys couldn't keep their eyes off of me …

TK: It was me. I am guys.

I laid back on my bed holding my phone against my chest. Was this finally happening? I'd held my feelings back for so long, sure he would never see me outside of a sisterly relationship, especially after what happened months earlier, but now.

Kari: You clean up pretty well yourself.

I kept it simple and still a little guarded. Something deep down was begging me to protect my heart, but it felt so silly, this was TK and if I gave him my heart I knew he would protect it.

TK: I have to look good for the masses.

I was feeling bold suddenly.

Kari: Is it me? Am I the masses?

TK: ;) Sleep well Kari, I'll see you in the morning.

Kari: Night, sweet dreams.

I laid there for a few minutes still clutching my phone to my chest before getting up, changing into my pajamas, and curling up in my bed. I fell asleep fast into a deep dreamless sleep.

I woke the next morning with a start, bolting up from the bed as if from a nightmare but I didn't remember a dream. I laid back down for a few minutes trying to calm my beating heart and ragged breathing. When I checked my phone I saw it was already nine in the morning. I threw off my covers and padded out of my room to make a quick breakfast.

"You slept in pretty late today. Were you up for a while last night?" My mother handed me a cup of tea and kissed me sweetly on the head. There were things about being in this house I would miss, and weekend mornings with her were one of them.

"Not too late," I said threw a yawn.

She shot me a knowing look and sat a plate of slightly cold pancakes down in front of me. I covered them in syrup and ate quickly, my mind too focused on meeting up with TK. When I was finished I went back into my room and stood in front of my closet trying to figure out what to wear. Dress? Too formal. Jeans and a t-shirt? Too casual. Bathing Suit and sundress? Provocative? I finally settled on a pair of high-waisted shorts and a crop top that met the band on the shorts so it wasn't too revealing. By the time I finished moving my hair clip from one side to the other, one too many times, it was almost 11 am. I headed out letting my mom know I would be back in a few hours and walked down to the beach.

I was still a few minutes early so I took off my sandals and walked into the water up to my ankles, letting the waves rush gently against my legs. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the salty air. I was nervous, worried I'd read everything all wrong. Nervous I hadn't, and then we would eventually break each other's hearts. I couldn't imagine a world without him in it and entering into dating territory brought in the possibility of eventual breakup and doom. I tried to shake off the negative thoughts. When I looked at my phone again it was already 11:15 am. I looked up and down the beach but didn't see him. I chewed the inside of my mouth, trying to decide if I should text him or not but I decided to wait a bit longer.

Fifteen minutes later though I couldn't take it anymore and called him. It rang a few times and then went to voicemail. He overslept, I thought to myself and sent him a text.

Kari: Hey sleepyhead, still coming to the beach?

After five minutes of no answer, I started to get worried. I called again but with the same result. I dug my toes into the sand trying to decide if it was too much to go to his place but something in my chest told me something was wrong so I let my feet carry me in the direction of his apartment. When I was outside his door I hesitated. Was I being crazy? Overdramatic? No. _No_ , I told myself, he was my best friend and I was just checking to make sure everything was okay. He wouldn't have stood me up. Right?

I knocked a couple of times and waited. Nothing. I tried it again. No response. I stood there for a few minutes unsure of what to do next, but finally, I did the only thing I could and headed home. The whole way back I debated texting Matt but that _did_ feel like a little much. The closer I got to home though the more my chest felt like a weight had come to live on it. When I walked in I was surprised to see my brother and Matt in a slightly heated conversation.

"Matt I was just actually about to text you," I said before I could convince my brain to shut up. "TK and I were supposed to meet up at the beach but he never showed up, I tried texting and calling." I trailed off, leaving out the bit about going to his place, feeling foolish.

"I was about to text you, TK had to head out to our grandma's place suddenly and he doesn't get service there. He forgot to text you this morning and knew I was coming here so asked me to let you know."

My brother looked uneasy but Matt seemed okay. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

"She had a fall but is going to be fine she just needs some help getting around for a few days."

TK and his grandmother were close, always had been, and he often spent weeks during the summers there. Everything was fine. It was just a misunderstanding. Something still felt off though. The room felt heavy and my brother looked like he was holding something back.

"That's it?" I asked, again.

"Yep, he'll be back in a few days," Matt said, calmly.

I nodded and headed into my room wanting to be alone. It didn't feel okay. I pulled out my phone and stared at his name on my screen.

Kari: Hey, I hope your grandmother is okay. Let me know if you need anything.

I closed my phone, shut my eyes, and slept for the rest of the day.

When he wasn't at school on Monday I felt okay, thinking Matt said it would be a few days, but by Friday I was getting worried again. I had heard nothing, radio silence. We were nearing exams and it wasn't good to be missing so much school this close to the end of the year.

When he finally returned to school on the following Monday he was different. He didn't even acknowledge me when he walked into class before the bell. Taking his seat and staring straight ahead with hooded eyes. I tried to talk to him before lunch but he seemed groggy and off. I asked if his grandma was okay and he looked confused for a moment before mumbling, "Yea, thanks for checking in." And then he ate his lunch next to me in silence. When I looked for him after school to walk home, thinking I might finally be able to talk to him, I saw him get into his mother's car and drive off.

I held myself together while I walked home but broke the second I closed my bedroom door. Something wasn't right. I took out my phone and typed quickly.

Kari: Hey, are you sure you're okay? You seemed off today.

And I'm worried, I left out. It was hours before I got a response.

TK: Just tired, thanks for checking in.

It was more though because after that we drifted. He kept his head down and in his notebook, always writing, and fell away from the strong social circle he'd created for himself over the past few years. I fell into a depression, littered with sleepless nights, and lonely days. I hid behind my camera, experiencing the world through a lens, feeling it was easier that way.

One day I came home to my mother getting off the phone with TK's mom, she looked troubled.

"What's wrong?"

"I was calling her about shopping for you two for school but," she paused biting her lip.

"What mom?" I asked, desperately.

"She said TK's staying here for school, sweetie he's not going away anymore. She asked me to tell you. He needs to be closer to home to help with his grandmother."

For a moment I thought my heart stopped but then I heard it beating so loud in my head I thought it would explode out of me. Tears made their way to my eyes and fell easily. I didn't understand how in a matter of weeks things could change so much. My mom wrapped me in her arms and whispered soothing words, knowing how much I'd been looking forward to going to school with him, and probably aware of the crush I'd been bearing.

After that, I gave up trying to reach out. He seemed like he was living on another planet and I couldn't penetrate the barrier he'd built between us. That last day I circled his block for over an hour. We'd only spoken in passing over the last few weeks, but something in my heart wanted to see him before I left. I'd been falling so hard for him before everything happened, as much as a young heart can fall. Part of me really thought we'd get together and that would be it, college, marriage, and kids. I thought we could have it all.

In the end, I left without going inside, feeling foolish, rejected, and desperate to move on with my life.

* * *

_Kari_

I was tired but alert when the train got into Odaiba. I put my hood back up, grabbed my bag, and hurried out of the train station and into the night

Being back in Odaiba left me feeling safe but unsure, afraid to face what had been my chosen family for so long. My bag hung heavy in my hand, I slung it over my shoulder, and let my feet skid across the pavement as I moved. The beach started to come into view, up the street I saw my old apartment building and a figure near the edge of the water. Shrouded in the dark all I could tell was that it was a man and he was tall, as I got closer I could make out shaggy hair and that it was light. He stared out at the water like he was waiting for it to tell him something, and then as my feet moved through the sand in his direction he turned.

He was different, grown, no longer the boy that I'd known everything about, but a man I was desperate to discover. His hair moved lightly with the wind and the moonlight left a slight glow against his skin, pale still, even in the summer. I let my bag slip off my shoulder and fall softly into the sand, and pulled the hood off of my head. I moved slowly afraid he might disappear if I ran to him, but I was desperate to feel something solid. He looked me over as I did him, taking in the changes we'd had over the past few years, trying to connect who we were with who we'd been. He was the first to reach out once I was close enough, placing his hand gently on my arm as he had in my dream, letting his fingers graze across my it, feeling we were both real this time. He pulled me to his chest and I gladly surrendered, letting his arms wrap around me, taking in the earthy scent of him, and his warmth that always reminded me of the sun against my skin. I wrapped my arms around his waist, my head only reached his chest now, he'd continued to grow taller after I moved. I could hear his heartbeat, steady and solid, like a reminder of who he'd always been and that he was still those things.

He was still something solid.

When he pulled away he was able to more clearly see my face and the damage that had been done to it.

I held up a hand, "Can I explain later? I'm exhausted." I practically begged.

He nodded and pulled out his phone, "I'm going to let Tai know we are on the way back. He went to the train station to wait for you, I'm surprised he didn't intercept you."

"What am I a football?" I grumbled.

He grabbed my bag from the sand and handed it to me, "A sports reference, who even are you anymore." He said, playfully.

I smiled in spite of the circumstances but then my chest felt heavy. It was like the last few weeks of school and the summer before college didn't happen and we were back in playful banter, but they did happen, and I couldn't let it go. I grabbed my bag silently and headed towards my brother's place, but TK stopped me and explained that he had moved. Tai had apparently tried to text me before my phone died to let me know. It was another reminder that this wasn't my home anymore, I was just a visitor into their new lives. We made the rest of the walk in silence.

His apartment was strange to me but so familiar. A soccer ball discarded on the floor, a gym bag with a t-shirt falling out of it nearby, the smell of coffee and tea lingered in the air with something that didn't quite fit in with my memories, the smell of stale beer. He had stopped mid-drink, stunned by my disheveled appearance, he set his drink down, spilling some in the process, and rushed to me. I flinched away from him, this stranger in my brother's body, with slightly shorter but still somehow unruly hair. He stopped himself from embracing me, proving that more had changed than just time.

"What happened to you?"

He looked me over, my bruised face and split lip, anger growing in his expression. All I could do was sigh.

"Tomorrow, I need to sleep." I didn't ask. I was telling him. He stepped back again like he was unsure for a moment if I was even his little sister anymore because the truth is that I wasn't. I belonged to no one. I was alone.

"But Kari."

I stopped him with a hand the same way I had TK just a little while earlier. "Tai, I need to sleep. Even if it's for a few hours, just point me towards a flat surface.

He looked hurt for a moment, just a flash before his face became flat and unreadable.

"Down the hall on the left. The sheets are clean."

"Thank you," I said, before turning to say goodnight to TK, there was an understanding in his eyes. The blonde brothers always did appreciate their secrets.

I stopped in the bathroom and saw myself for the first time in a real mirror. Dried blood caked near my mouth, and the skin around my eye darkening and puffing up. I gently washed my face, pulled off my soiled clothes, and changed into a pair of leggings and a long sleeve shirt.

When I came out of the bathroom I heard hushed voices, surprised to hear Izzy, wondering if I'd been so oblivious to miss him when I came in or if he had come since I'd been in the bathroom. I crept down the hall and quietly closed the door behind me. I dropped my bag and collapsed onto the bed, curling up the best I could despite the pain in my side and across my face. I was too tired for the pain to take hold, exhaustion consumed me. I could finally sleep.


	6. Bad Blood

**Part Two**

**Chapter 6: Bad Blood**

* * *

_Out of the mud will come the brightest flower_

_Lifted by the wind and ignited by his flame_

_together balanced and bathed in holy light_

_or cast apart in a devil's endless fight_

* * *

_TK_

Tai went to bed a little while after Kari disappeared into his spare room. He practically begged me for information but I had nothing more than he did. She was so quiet on the walk back. The happiness I felt first seeing her and holding her was destroyed once I saw her face, the bruise, and the dried blood. I wanted her to tell me who did it, what happened, but I found the words got caught in my throat. I didn't know this girl, this woman, she was a stranger to me and I was one to her. We'd had years to change, to grow up, and to become different people.

Now it was just after two in the morning and I typed away on my computer. Izzy was across from me working on a project for a company in the States. We'd found ourselves like this before. For years I spent these hours alone, just me, my computer, and my mind that rarely found quiet in the dead of night. I'd been doing my best writing during these hours for years, with less distraction, and I could often exhaust myself so that I actually got a decent amount of sleep when I was done. Insomnia was one of the few things I hadn't managed to get a hold of as the years passed. I tried taking sleeping pills for a little while in college, but I started cooking in the middle of the night and almost burned our dorm down, thankfully I woke up my roommate as I stumbled out of our room and he followed me to investigate. I remember none of it. That was the last time I tried taking something for it. Instead, I started trying to work with it, my next semester I took no classes before noon and would do my homework into the dead of night until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. It wasn't perfect but at least I managed to be productive and eventually get some sleep.

There was a weekend we went camping about two years back, I found myself wide awake, so I grabbed a book and went into the cabin's kitchen to read. I found Izzy working there. I knew he did consulting work overseas but never imagined what it did to his sleep schedule. We found ourselves together like that every night during the trip, and for once I wasn't alone, and he seemed just as grateful for another person awake at that hour. We didn't talk much, but there was something about someone else existing in the way you did that felt less lonely. Every once in a while after that, we would work late into the night together. He traveled a lot so his apartment here was a little sterile, sometimes if his trip home was short he would crash with Tai or me for the company.

After everything over the past day though tonight wasn't so quiet.

"I haven't seen you type that fast in a long time." Izzy looked up over his computer towards me.

I signed, dropping my head into my hands, "She looked so messed up. I can't even begin to imagine what happened, it looked like something assaulted her."

"Something?" He asked.

"I know people do things like that but what put hands on her wasn't human. I'm sure of it." I took a breath and tried to think of a way to explain it but I couldn't make it sound logical. "I just have a feeling."

He nodded, "It would make sense considering the disturbance with the ocean, it's possible something from there attacked her, but." He drifted off.

"But what?"

"Sorry, it's just that," he paused, collecting his thoughts the way only Izzy did, wanting to explain it right the first time. "There isn't an actual split yet, no bridge, no way to get from there to here. It's almost like it's a snake waiting for the moment to strike, the way it's hovering over our world."

"So, what if a being from the Ocean was already in our world?" I mused out loud.

His head snapped up, "Now that is not something we've considered."

"What if something crossed over before we closed the digital world?" I asked.

"And has just been biding its time?" Izzy interrupted my thought, speaking quickly.

We fell into silence. This could change things quite a bit, if there were beings in our world that had crossed over, how many were there, and how dangerous could they be? We agreed to bring it up tomorrow. Izzy began frantically clicking in a way that told me he'd get no sleep tonight. I finally started to feel my eyes get heavy around three-thirty in the morning. I moved over to the couch and collapsed into an easy sleep, even in crisis I was glad that eventually exhaustion would always take over and lead me into silence.

* * *

_Kari_

When I woke up I imagine it's what coming out of a coma feels like. I was in a strange room, and in a ton of pain, as I felt the trauma of the previous day slowly creep into my brain. I was home though. Well not home, I was in Tai's home. My brother's face from the night before haunted me, the way he stepped away from me like he wasn't sure what to make of me. Hell, I didn't know what to make of me. How was I suppose to walk out there and explain that I was a witch and being chased by an even more powerful one, plus the dreams of the ocean? Everything seemed so daunting, but a voice reminded me that the apartment still needed to be warded. It was a gentle nagging in my head that described what could happen if Kato found me. I knew I should have done it last night but I was so tired.

My muscles ached as I reached my arms behind me, stretched out my body, and rolled off the bed to get changed. I was startled by my image in the full-length mirror attached to the door as I took my shirt off and let it drop to the ground. I had bruises across my torso, their color a lovely faded blue to match the one around my eye. I looked like a damaged stranger, but there was a fierceness and severity in my eyes that reminded me I was a fighter, and eventually, Kato would look worse than I do now. I'd make sure of it.

I dug through my bag but my jeans and shorts all had a high waist and I didn't think my ribcage could handle it, so I kept my leggings on and threw a t-shirt over my head. The spell bottle fell out of my bag as I was grabbing clothes, I stared at it on the floor and heard a voice in my head, telling me to grab the moon water. I dug through my things and pulled it out. I opened up the spell jar, dousing the insides, put the lid back on, and shook the bottle, "Rinse away this bonded blood, cleanse it as the water runs," I said over and over again, not knowing exactly where it came from, but knowing those were the words I needed. For a moment nothing happened and then I felt like I was being strangled, all the air left my body and my vision became fuzzy. I thought I would pass out but just as suddenly as it came it left and I was fine. The bottle was completely clear on the inside, only the moon water remained.

I spent a lot of time running from those voices, but maybe it was time I listened a little better, I thought. I stood up slowly making sure I was, in fact, okay, before I put the bottle down and left the room.

I crept out quietly, feeling like an intruder, but there was no way to really be discrete since everyone was already awake and huddled around the kitchen island. Tai had a piece of toast sticking out of his mouth while his hands typed away on his phone. Izzy had his back to me, sitting in front of his computer leaning back chugging a bottle of tea. TK noticed me first, pausing mid-sip out of a coffee mug. He pulled the cup away and did his best to smile but it looked so uneasy.

"Hey," I said awkwardly, clasping my hands in front of me.

Izzy turned around and his tired eyes went wide taking me in. I forgot he hadn't seen me last night.

"It's not as bad as it looks," I said, suddenly very interested in the carpet, afraid to make eye contact.

"Let's get some food in you and then you can tell us what's going on," Tai's voice was gentle and kind, it made my heart swell for a moment. At the end of the day, he was still my brother and I needed to remember that I could count on him.

"Thank you," I said, and went to sit next to Izzy at the counter.

TK sat a mug in front of me, "Black or green?" He asked with his back turned towards the cabinet.

"Black, thank you." I smiled, warmed that he remembered that I preferred tea over coffee. It really was the bare minimum at this point that could make me feel more at home.

He tore the package, set the tea bag in the mug, and then poured hot water over it.

"We can make toast, and I have some granola bars," Tai scratched the back of his head and laughed a little awkwardly, "And I guess that's really it. I'm sorry I don't really have a ton."

"It's okay, I'll just have a granola bar for right now, thank you."

He grabbed one and slid it across the counter. We slipped into an uncomfortable silence while I ate. Everyone had their own level of edginess. Izzy clicked at the computer, but it was a tad slow for him like he was worried if he got too engrossed in whatever he was doing that he would miss something. Tai continued to scroll through his phone. TK wandered around the apartment, cleaning things up, and I couldn't help but wonder if it came from growing up with a family that was often on edge. Move around, be helpful, avoid the elephant in the room.

I finished my granola bar and crumpled the wrapper in my hands before letting it fall onto the counter. My hands slipped around the mug and I sat back, "I'm not really sure where to even begin."

"The beginning?" Izzy asked.

I smirked, always thorough, but it fell. "I don't even know what the beginning is."

"What about what happened to your face," Tai said, his eyes hard.

I took a shaky breath, thinking of Nadia's body hanging in her apartment, and shut my eyes tight against the memory. I hadn't even mourned her, not really. I hadn't stopped running long enough to collapse. My chest got tight and I felt my eyes well up. I wiped away a stray tear that fell and cleared my throat before I choked out the words, "My closest friend was murdered yesterday, and I think the person who killed her tried to kill me, and I think it has to do with the dark ocean." I took a breath and added, "Maybe."

They wore different expressions, changing, from shock to horror. Their eyes darted back and forth between each other.

"What?" My brother looked like he wasn't sure I knew what I was talking about.

"Izzy, do a google search of Kyoto, female found deceased, and the name Nadia Kinoshita," I said.

He typed quickly and a few articles popped up from the local news, most didn't name her, but one did. He looked up towards my brother and TK and nodded. "It says it was a suicide," Izzy said.

"No, he just made it look that way." Their eyes drifted back to me as I spoke, they looked unsure but let me keep going. "I had a nightmare last night of the ocean, the first in years, and then when I woke in the morning I went right over to her house to talk about it. When I got there I found her," my words caught in my throat, "hanging." I paused as I felt my eyes well up again. I took a sip of tea, my hands shaking the mug slightly.

"Are you sure she didn't?" Tai started, his voice was soft and kind but I cut him off.

"No." I slammed my mug but quickly felt shameful for getting angry, it was a logical thought considering the police thought so too. "No," I said calmer this time. "I grabbed a few things from her room, called the police, and then headed back to my place. I was reading through her journal when I saw _his_ name scratched in the back, it was the last thing she wrote. She was telling me who did it. I know it."

"Who is _he_?" Tai's hands gripped onto the counter a bit tighter. TK had wandered back over next to Tai and nudged his hands with his mug and my brother relaxed a bit, nodding in his direction as a thank you. A strange jealously shot through me, I left and they became best friends? It felt somehow like a betrayal but I wasn't sure from which guy? I pulled myself away from those thoughts, they were useless right now and I needed to focus.

"Kato," I spit out his name, letting my anger settle where it actually belonged. "He's," but I stopped. How was I supposed to tell them this part? How do you explain witchcraft to three men in a room?

"He's what?" TK asked gently.

I looked around the apartment, searching for anything that could help me quickly. My eyes locked on a half-dead plant on a windowsill. Poor thing, it was getting too much light and clearly not enough water. Who had ever given my brother a plant was a fool. I walked over and let my hands run over the leaves for a moment, they reached towards me slightly, desperate for attention. I grabbed it and brought it back to the counter.

"What are you doing?" Tai asked.

"It's easier if I show you the next part." They looked between themselves and then back to me. I smirked a bit, knowing I was about to cause a scene and Izzy was going to probably lose his mind. "Please just focus on the plant."

"Kari wha?" Tai stopped mid-sentence as I stuck my fingers into the dirt and mumbled under my breath. I imagined the plant flourishing, with bright green leaves, and strong roots. When I opened my eyes it was healed, the leaves as I'd imagined, and it was much bushier.

"You need to keep this in indirect light, the window isn't good for it," I walked it over to a nicely lit corner that didn't get too much sun. "Water once a week when the top of the soil is dry." I walked back to the counter, picked up my tea, and took a sip. They all looked like they had seen a ghost.

"I'm a witch. Witches are real, magic is real, and I'm starting to think it's somehow connected to the dark ocean. Nadia taught me everything I know. Kato, is a witch too, and from his actions _clearly_ evil. I don't know exactly what he's after but I know he wants me." The words rushed out. I was desperate to get it all out before someone interrupted me to tell me I was crazy.

Izzy got up and walked over towards the plant, poking around, inspecting the leaves and the surface of the dirt. "I can not explain this?" His voice was piqued with interest and wonder.

My brother sputtered a bit, "Witches aren't real." He looked lost, his entire reality was being torn from him and that couldn't have been easy.

"But digital worlds are? But dark oceans are?" My voice was light and kind.

"The rain," TK said, his voice quiet. "That day in the rain, it didn't touch you, I wasn't seeing things?"

"You saw it? I thought you did." I remembered the day, the look that he gave me as I ran towards him after I was broken away from my trace.

"I didn't know then," I said.

He nodded in understanding. "I've thought about that day so often, trying to make it make sense."

"What are the two of you babbling about?" Tai's face was getting red and I could see the frustration growing on his features. "Magic is not real, there has to be some other sort of explanation."

"The digital world can be explained, magic can't." Izzy was much kinder in his delivery.

I knew this was going to be difficult. I tried to think about what I could do to make them see, and what I could do without destroying the apartment. Air and fire were so unpredictable, especially for me. Earth was a little hard inside the apartment and I'd already done what I could there. Water damage was probably not getting my brother his security deposit back. If I didn't soak the place though, there might be one thing I could try. I walked around the counter and towards the sink, I turned the water on, letting it run cold, and closed my eyes. I focused on the water losing its form and turning into mist. I could feel the room get colder around me and little droplets start to stick to my skin. When I opened my eyes I was enveloped in a light mist, I turned around and the room was foggy but it slowly started to reappear before my eyes. TK looked around at the mist in wonder, speechless.

"Holy."

"Shit." Tai finished for Izzy.

"You're a, a witch?" Tai said more to himself than to me.

"Let me try and start further back," I said.

So I told them everything, about Nadia finding me and teaching me the craft, about Clair senses and elemental magic, about Kato. I left out the astral projection into their lives as it felt a step too far, I didn't know if it would seem manipulative now, or desperate.

"So he came after you while you were trying to break a spell?" TK, asked once I had gone quiet, getting them all up to speed.

My chest tightened just thinking about our last encounter. After I'd packed up my things, grabbing some clothes, some herbs I thought might be useful, Nadia's book of Shadows, her dagger which I slipped into my boot, a bottle of water charged by the full moon, and a small hand shovel. I got dressed in something nondescript. A hoodie, a pair of leggings, and combat style boots. I ran off to the park, finding the tree where Kato and I had buried the spell. I dug up the bottle and pulled it out, rubbing the dirt off of it, and feeling the air get heavy around me as I did.

"Clever," I heard his voice come from behind me, and as I turned towards him I was shoved against the tree. The bottle fell from my hands and rolled away from us.

"Why would you do that? I was trying to protect you." His eyes were darker than normal, the brown taking on an almost black color, his pupils large, like he was drugged.

"Why?" I screamed, thinking of Nadia's body.

"She was trying to keep you away from me and we can't have that Kari, it's not part of the plan, and she wouldn't fall in line so she needed to be disposed of." His response was so casual, so cruel. I fought back tears. I was so scared, but I couldn't let him see it.

He moved his face closer towards mine and moved his mouth towards my ear. His breath was hot against my skin, "Kari we have so much to do together, we are going to rule over everything, you and me."

I felt sick, it was like deja vu with the dark ocean, and I felt a darkness begin to try and work its way into me. It called. It's warm, dangerous strength, the same I'd felt calling to me in the past.

I wanted it, just for a moment, it would be so easy to take that power. My heart screamed out of my chest though, I felt a warm white light begin to grow inside of me. I started to struggle against his hold, trying to push him off of me, but he was strong and he shoved my back harder against the tree.

I panicked, but then I felt the tree behind me, calling to me. I closed my eyes begging the earth for help and I heard him yelp. I opened my eyes feeling myself go free and saw him be caught up in tree roots growing out of the ground. I ran towards the bottle and scooped it into my hands.

I heard him scream. it was primal and otherworldly. There was a whoosh of air and everything went hot, suddenly the tree was on fire. I screamed, feeling it cry out to me. He was released from the roots as they retreated into the earth and he started coming for me. I turned to run but was tackled by him, he turned me over as I struggled to get away, he kneeled onto my torso, straddling me slightly, and pulled his hand back before striking me twice against my face. I screamed out in pain as I felt my lip split open, tasting blood against my mouth, and my head throbbing in pain.

"Why would you fight me when I can offer you everything you've ever wanted." He shook me and pulled me away from the ground only to slam me back against it.

I tried to think, desperate for some way to escape, knowing if I didn't that I would die or succumb to him. Smoke from the tree was rising into the sky, and the flames burned bright, I felt its pain and tears came to my eyes. I struggled against him and was able to bend my knee and get my boot towards my hand. I reached inside my boot and pulled out Nadia's dagger and shoved it as hard as I could into his side keeping hold of the hilt so as he pulled away it slide out of his body. Blood pooled at his side and he fell back off of me. He screamed and the wind started to grow around us, the fire leaped towards me from the tree but I was just a few feet too far from it. I got up and ran towards my backpack, shoving the dagger back into its hilt in my boot, and ran. I saw people starting to walk towards the fire, one tried to stop me after seeing my disheveled appearance, but I kept running, never looking back.

I didn't feel him follow me to the train station but I knew he wasn't dead. I could feel it. I knew he would come back for me and I needed to be ready when he did.

Kari?" TK brought me back to reality, back to this apartment, back to safety. "You think he knew you'd go back for the spell?" He asked again.

I nodded, "I knew when I saw Nadia that I needed to destroy it after what he'd done. The idea of our blood being in that jar, together." I scoffed the last part out. Disgusted with myself and the blind faith I'd had in him. I was foolish and now my friend was dead.

"Blood magic," Tai said it with a bit of wonder, and a trace of fear you'd only know if you'd grown up with him.

"I think," I chewed onto my bottom lip, unsure how to proceed. Once it was done we'd never discussed it. That night became almost like an urban legend in my head, like maybe if we didn't talk about it then it couldn't grow into the reality it was. I looked back up and caught TK's, knowing glance.

"That night?" He asked, with a shaky breath.

"Whatever I did to myself that night, the way I was able to get the cold out, I believe it was some sort of blood magic that I didn't even know I was creating. There were other times, growing up, not with blood." I said the last part quickly before they thought I'd been harming myself. "Time's with magic and I just didn't know."

"The rain?" TK said, a small smile aching to crack at the corners of his mouth.

"Water was easy for me," I said. "Control for it came the most natural, so I wonder if that's why the ocean wants me so bad. Maybe my ability to work with the water is a draw?" I asked more myself than anyone else.

"And earth?" Izzy asked.

"Yea, those two have been pretty solid for me. I know I have some fire but I've always had trouble with wind. Nadia was good with wind and earth. Kato's strongest was fire but he had access to all the elements."

Everyone got quiet, lost in their own combination of wonder and disbelief.

"I had a dream too," TK's voice ended the silence. My eyes locked with his, mine wide with disbelief, his narrowed in confusion.

"I don't have much more to add, just that I had a dream about you being in the ocean, and then I came over here and that's when." he stopped, looking toward Izzy.

"That's when he found Tai and me. I saw that the Ocean's world line was hovering closer to ours."

"That's when we called you," Tai finished for Izzy.

"It's not open though, there's no bridge, no gate. So, if this Kato person has anything to do with the ocean, TK and I think he may have been here all this time waiting for the right moment to strike." Izzy said.

I thought about this and wondered if Kato was an outside threat altogether, but the dream and the fact that TK and I both had it seemed like too much of a coincidence. When I saw him there, I didn't know that he'd actually been there with me, I thought it was just my head bringing in something that made me feel safe, but I should have known better.

"I feel completely lost," I said a little helplessly. There was so much I didn't know and so much that could go wrong.

"We'll figure it out," Tai said confidently.

I looked toward him, his eyes meeting mine with confidence. Izzy and TK nodded in agreement. My chest warmed and I felt overwhelmed for a moment, I forgot what this was like, this unwavering support. Nadia was supportive yes, but this was different, this was truly home.

The voice from this morning nudged me. _Warding_ , it said.

"Sorry to change the subject but Tai do you have salt?" I asked.

He turned towards his cabinet and took out a large salt grinder. "Yea why?"

I reached out and he passed it over. "A bowl too?" He rummaged through his cabinets and pulled one out. I started grinding the salt. "I can use it to protect your apartment but I'm going to need to go out and get some other things that I wasn't able to grab from my place before I left."

"You think he followed you here," TK asked, standing a little taller.

"He wants," I paused because I truly wasn't sure. I bit on the inside of my cheek, desperate for answers, and worried that he'd find me before I got them. "He didn't kill Nadia and then attack me just to give up after I ran off. He'll come for me."

"What can we do? How do we fight against magic?" Tai looked a little lost. Concern and worry warped his features, his confidence deflated.

I stopped grinding, suddenly struck with what I'd done coming back here, the way I was putting my friends and family in danger. They could do nothing, nothing except possibly get in the way and get killed.

TK reached across the counter and gave my hand a squeeze, "We'll figure it out." He repeated my brother's words, looking between the two of us, trying to ease the tension.

"What can I do to help?" Izzy looked almost lost, unsure what his place was in a battle that a computer couldn't solve for us, but I had an idea.

"Actually, you can help with something." I headed back into the bedroom and grabbed Nadia's book out of my bag. I silently asked her to forgive me for letting outsiders read her words, but I needed all the help I could get at this point. I went back into the kitchen, the silence from the three men felt heavy.

"Izzy, she uses code for some of her Book Of Shadows. It's meant to hold all her knowledge on the craft, you can probably decipher the pages faster than me." He lit up a bit as I handed it to him. At least there was a puzzle I could handoff.

I grabbed the salt and moved around the apartment, lining the windows and the front door, thankfully he had a welcome mat I could hide it under. Windows were easy when closed but doors could be a problem with people walking through the salt constantly. Once I was finished I took a breath and whispered a protection spell.

"Did you feel that?" I turned sharply at the sound of TK's voice.

"Feel what?" Tai asked.

"It feels, lighter maybe?" TK was looking around the apartment, searching for the change

"The apartment is safe," I said, trying to figure out how he felt the difference when Tai and Izzy seemed unfazed.

"Just from salt?" Tai asked.

"And a spell," I said with a smirk.


	7. I Think He Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, mental illness and talk of PTSD.

**Chapter 7: I Think He Knows**

* * *

_Kari_

"Do you want to go to the Inoue's market?" TK asked as we headed out.

"No," I said, too quickly. Adjusting the sunglasses Tai let me borrow to cover my eye. "Sorry, I just don't want anyone involved in this that doesn't need to be. I already feel like I walked you guys into a death trap." I hugged my arms close to my chest.

He glanced sidelong at me, "You're that afraid of him?"

"I'm more afraid of him than I've ever been of anything?" I said honestly.

He let us fall into silence and my mind drifted to Kato as we walked. My emotions traveled between anger at him and disgust for myself at how easily I trusted him. As much as I hated to admit it there was a part of me that had been deeply attracted to him. He was beautiful, with his dark features, and I think part of the attraction was that he looked nothing like TK. Kato had eyes that ventured on black they were such a dark brown, deep and soulful. His voice was smooth as velvet, low, and soothing. Most importantly, he'd treated me like an equal instead of a novice. It wasn't that Nadia ever put me down, or made me feel small, but it was always clear that I was still a student and she had more to teach me. With Kato, it was like he was just sharing deep secrets with me. That darkness that Nadia had warned me about was within him, I knew that clearly now. That rumble deep within me to give up and give in was louder with him around. If he hadn't killed Nadia who knows what would have happened, who knows if I would have given myself to him, and to the darkness.

_"No."_

"What?" I turned to TK with a puzzled look on my face.

"I didn't say anything," he turned his head a bit, confused.

I shook my head realizing it was just a voice inside of me, it wasn't often that it wasn't female, so I'd assumed it was outside of my own head.

"Sorry, hearing things," I said. He didn't ask questions which was good. I didn't know that I was ready to venture into the voices just then. Magic I could show off but disembodied voices were another situation. I'd explained Clair abilities but I didn't dive into what I could do at present, it didn't feel important in the grand scheme of things. I was just trying to keep us all alive right now.

We fell into step next to one another now that I realized where we were headed. There was a small market we use to go to if Yolei's sisters were working and she thought if she went they would convince her to stay and work. It was open-air with crates of fruits and vegetables pouring out onto the sidewalk. I watched him grab a few things, the same snacks he'd always ventured towards, and smiled for a moment at the familiarity of it all. It was strange being with him like this, walking the streets we ran around as children, taking a trip to the store. It wasn't just snacks we needed now though, it was herbs for magic spells. I grabbed a variety of things that I thought might be useful but wandered a bit searching for one more.

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath but TK caught it.

"What's wrong?"

"I need rosemary but they are out," I bit my lip trying to think of a good alternative.

"I actually have some back at my apartment and it's close. If you want we can grab it."

I nodded and we headed to the checkout. I had a strange feeling about his place, but I chalked it up to the fear of being alone with him any longer than I had to right now. I was feeling so conflicted. I wanted to scream at him. Wanted to beg for answers. Another part of me just wanted to forget it, to be open to this new version of us getting to know each other, as we were now, without the clouds of the past. I just couldn't let it go and I felt edgy.

He was different, quieter, and most of the playfulness I remembered from him seemed lost to time. He was more serious, more gentle, more aware of those around him. Not that he hadn't been before but, I couldn't place the difference exactly, maybe it was maturity and subtlety. He carried himself like he'd been through a war, and we all had, but I often wondered what it left imprinted on him as he grew older. He'd been through so much individually, being so young when his parents divorced and being torn from his brother, a pain I never wanted to imagine. I was always so in awe of how positive he was able to remain most of the time when I on the other hand fell into despair a few more times than I'd like to admit.

I feel like neither of us knew exactly what to say and it felt heavy. I wondered if he could feel my discomfort about everything, or if he had the same level of uncertainty about me. His face showed no tension though, no stress, just an easy expression as if we were having a very normal day. I couldn't figure out if that made me feel better or more annoyed. I wanted some sort of reaction or emotion out of him. I was just scared about what it would be.

As we headed into his building and towards his apartment, the feeling of unease grew. Once we were inside though, it became clear my emotions had been misplaced, his apartment had been ransacked. His eyes grew wide and a trace of fear crossed his face. He moved to put himself in front of me.

"Hello?" He called out to the empty apartment, but it wasn't human inhabitants I was worried about.

I grabbed his hand and pictured us both bathed in warm golden light. When I opened my eyes again TK was looking down at our clasped hands. "Kari, why am I so warm?"

I was surprised again that he was so in tune with what I was doing, most people would have never noticed, but I had to ignore it for the moment, "There is a Bogie in here."

"A what?"

"It's a type of Fae, troublesome and destructive."

We heard a laugh come from further in the apartment, sinister and low, and then heard another crash. TK tried to pull away but I held his hand tight. "We're in a protection circle, stay here."

"What do we do? What's a Fae?"

I tried to think of the simplest example. "An elemental creature, both of this world and not of this world. Do you have any iron in here?"

"Iron?" He asked.

He was asking too many questions but keeping up better than Tai would have and I was thankful for that. "Yea, I've never tried it because I've never needed to but I've been told iron is harmful to them and can get rid of them."

He thought for a moment and then nodded, "Can we move into the kitchen?"

"Yea just keep hold of me and stay close."

We slowly moved further into his apartment, a door slammed and it made us both jump, and he pulled me a bit faster and quickly opened up a drawer and pulled out a letter opener. It was sharp but with a rounded top. I reached out for it and he placed it into my palm. It was cold in my hands. I gripped it tight and guided him towards the noise with me, afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep him safe at a distance.

Before I could make a move the door flung open and it made us both jump in surprise, causing us to separate. It wasn't much but it was enough for the creature to catch us off guard. A dark shadow lunged toward us, TK moved in front of me and the shadow pulled him away and threw him to the floor. It wrapped it's shadow hands around his neck and started choking him. He tried to push it away but his hands went right through it's body. It's touch was solid to him but he couldn't get a grasp on it. I stood frozen for a moment trying to think of what to do, but as I saw TK's movements start to slow I knew I had no time. I rushed towards them with the iron still in my hands and plunged it into the shadow, careful not to go too deep so that I wouldn't accidentally stab TK.

A screech escaped the shadow and it exploded into a mist, the power of it throwing me backward into the kitchen counter. I collapsed to the ground, the wind knocked out of me. The mist traveled out of the window and away into the sky. TK was coughing on the ground trying to get air back into his lungs. I crawled towards him, letting the letter opener fall from my hands as I reached for him and helped him sit up. His eyes were wide with fear and he couldn't speak for a moment.

"Are you okay?" His words were like a punch to the gut, he was almost strangled and he's asking me if I'm okay.

There were angry red marks around his throat, I nodded to his question, the pain in my back forgotten to him almost dying. "Are you?" I asked.

"I'll be okay," he said, his voice hoarse.

I felt sick and my body was shaking, "I have to leave."

"What?"

"Kato did this. I know he did this. He targeted you, which means he knows more about me than I know about him and it means you're all in danger. I can't do that to any of you." I felt my chest get tight and my thoughts spiraling into panic. I didn't understand how he could know, not only who TK was, but where he lived. I'd never mentioned him in Kato's presence. TK was my secret history and I kept him locked away.

"It's okay. I'm okay. We're going to help you. You're not doing this alone." His voice was soft, his breath warm, and I felt like I might break.

It was at that moment I knew though. No other explanation made sense anymore. "This all has to be connected to the ocean. Kato doesn't know about you. I have no pictures of you guys. I've never told him about my past. The only one who knew anything about my past was Nadia and it's not like she wrote it down or told him, she hated him."

"You really just deleted us huh?"

My eyes shot up. He looked sad and conflicted like he knew it wasn't the time but couldn't help himself, and at that moment neither could I.

"I mean I didn't think I was that important after you just completely ghosted me and exited my life like I was nothing, so yea, I didn't really talk about you." I watched the emotion shift in his eyes as I spit out the words. This was absolutely the worst possible time to be having this conversation, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I needed answers and I needed them now.

"Kari, I."

"I don't even know who you are." I let myself get angry, unfairly so. "What was I supposed to tell people. Oh hey here's a picture of my best friend in the entire world who apparently hates me so much he pretended I didn't exist for the past few months."

I felt my face grow hot and my eyes glaze over but I refused to cry. I'd given him so many tears, so many sleepless nights.

"You were just gone and you never told me why. We shared everything," I paused, "I thought we shared everything." I let my voice fall quiet. The look on his face was a mix of pain and anguish and I was starting to feel guilty for my outburst. He was just almost killed by a bogie and I was yelling at him.

"I'm so sorry, I," He paused as silent tears fell from his eyes. He was looking down unable to meet my eyes. "I broke." He sounded so ashamed.

"What?" I didn't understand.

He ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath in, letting himself sigh. He stood, moving away from me, and paced a bit before sitting down on his couch and faced the floor.

"I've been trying to think of a way to tell you. Trying to find a way to apologize, to explain, but I couldn't find the words," He took a breath and then looked back towards me. "I had a mental break."

His words echoed in my head, sounding louder than I knew they were. I felt my own eyes go wide and my hand raced to my mouth to cover the sharp intake of breath.

"I couldn't make it stop. The images of you covered in blood. Dreams of trying to drag you out of the ocean and failing. All the death we'd seen, all the friends we lost, they haunted me. I tried to ignore it, tried desperately to be normal and it seemed to be working for a little while. The weeks leading up to the dance were so quiet in my head. I slept peacefully. I thought I was outgrowing it. That night I was so happy, you seemed so light and I thought we'd finally moved past the pain. Later in the night my mom came home and found me on our balcony ready to climb over, saying I just wanted to fly again." He looked up, his face held a haunted look, he seemed unfocused. "She grabbed me as I was about to fall and pulled me back over onto the ground. Apparently, I was hysterical and tried to push her away, she managed to drag me into the apartment and shut the sliding door. Cody had been awake a few floors down and heard me, he came rushing up, and thankfully the door was unlocked because he was able to help my mother restrain me while they called Matt and my Dad."

"When Matt got there he was able to calm me down enough that they could get me into the car and to the hospital. They kept me for a few days, stabilizing me, trying to find a medication cocktail that could keep me grounded in reality. She begged me to go into a treatment facility for a week and I was too fucking drugged to argue. I had to find a way to talk about what was happening in my head without sounding insane. They finally diagnosed me with PTSD. They said I had the symptoms of a war veteran, if only they knew the truth of it," he laughed darkly.

He finally made eye contact and I thought I would die right there in his apartment. My chest ached for him, his eyes held so much pain, so much more pain than I ever could have known. I moved towards him but sat on the floor, giving him some space.

"Why didn't you tell me," I asked, quietly.

He shook his head. "When I came back to school I was in a fog. Matt repeated the lie they'd told you about my grandmother over and over to me because I kept forgetting. I have weeks of time that I can't even remember because the medication I was on wasn't working for me. I wondered if I was even really back at school or just dreaming. They said I was disassociating. By the time I finally stabilized, school was over and you were gone. I spent the next fall taking makeup work and didn't start college until the spring. My mother convinced me to stay close to home when I finally went."

My heart cracked open and I felt like I was bleeding onto the floor. The pain in his eyes, the shame in his voice, the fear he seemed to have in sharing this, it all made me feel so selfish for the anger I'd held on to for so long. I moved closer to him, taking his hands into mine but he curled them into fists.

"I was supposed to protect you, that was my role, at least in my own head. I didn't know how to tell you that I didn't even know what was real anymore. I thought you'd be safer away from my mess. I didn't want you to feel guilty or triggered."

I felt my chest tighten up. All this time it was about keeping me safe when he was the one who needed help. I un-balled his hands and held onto them.

"I would have taken care of you," It felt stupid to say, I was a child, and I wouldn't have known what to do, but my heart wished I could have helped.

"I know you would have tried. I know now that the way I hid from you was a mistake, but I was young and so afraid. My biggest regret was never calling you when I was gone or trying to reconnect afterward. I always thought it was too late. I didn't even tell Tai until months later, my brother had told him the same lie we told everyone else but he knew it was something more. He tried to get me to reach out to you but I fought him on it, wanting you to be able to move on in peace."

"I feel like I waited for years," I said. "Always expecting suddenly you'd just text me like nothing had ever happened, but never just biting the bullet and doing it myself. I was so hurt, and so damn stubborn. My phone would buzz that first year and I'd hold my breath wishing it was you."

"I'm so sorry."

"I am too."

We sat there in silence after that, both hopeless, and regretful. He slid down onto the floor with me and rested his head against my shoulder. I let my head fall against his own. "I'm so sorry," he whispered again.

"I should have known. I shouldn't have been so self-obsessed to think it was about me. I-"

He stopped me, "We could go back and forth like this for the rest of our lives, you did nothing wrong."

"And you were sick," I said. I felt him nod.

I asked how he was now and he told me the rest. How he'd continued with therapy, finding a doctor through Joe's father who'd known about Joe's involvement with the digital world, finally able to talk to someone about what really happened, and finally able to heal. He still took medication, finally coming to terms with it, and finally got something that kept him stabilized while being alert. He'd found support with our brothers and Cody, all of who he'd sworn to silence.

He stopped talking and I let it all settle. He got up and headed to his room telling me to wait there, I heard him shuffling around in his desk and then he came out holding a worn brown leather notebook, loose pages were sticking out of the cover, which was wrapped in a matching leather band. He handed it to me.

"I wrote you so many letters. Some of them are highly embarrassing and personal, but maybe this can start to make up for staying away."

I held it in my hand, my thumb running over the worn cover, clearly old and well used. "I can't take this," I held it back out to him. "You're personal feelings don't belong to me."

"I wrote them to you, keep it. Read them if and when you want, but preferably when I'm not in front of you," he laughed, the first smile I'd seen from him since the incident and it was a stark contrast to the red marks around his neck. I nodded, holding it close to me.

He looked around at his apartment, trashed from the scuffle and the bogie before we arrived. "What should we do if he knows where we are?"

"I don't know but we can't stay here, he clearly knows I'm here which means he's eventually going to find us at Tai's," I said.

"I have an idea." He paused, looking around his apartment, suddenly on alert. "Is it safe to talk?" He asked.

I picked up on his hint, if that thing was in here what else may have been lingering that could run off and tell Kato where we were? It made me feel suddenly guilty though because if something could hear us that meant it heard his confession, which was more ammunition to use against him later. I shook my head no and he nodded. He slid his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to someone before silently moving around his disheveled apartment. He tossed me the bottle of rosemary we'd originally come for and then moved towards a closet and grabbed two motorcycle helmets, handing me one.

"What are those for?" I asked.

He set them down and moved back into the kitchen, grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen, he quickly scribbled on the page and handed it to me.

"We can get out of the city, somewhere you've never been, somewhere no one would know about. Tai and Izzy can grab your things and meet us out there."

I thought about it for a moment. It made sense. Quietly leave the city and maybe it would slow Kato down in his search for me. Especially since I was sure that Bogie would be letting him know I was here. It wasn't dead just banished. I walked over to the stove, lighting one of the burners, and started the edge of the page on fire. I let the flames eat away at his handwriting before dropping it into the sink and dousing what was left with water. I turned off the stove and looked back to him, "Let's go."


	8. I Know Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning in this chapter for thoughts of suicide.

**Chapter 8: I Know Places**

* * *

_Kari_

Even though I was already holding the helmet in my hands, actually seeing him about to get on a motorcycle was something I wasn't quite sure what to do with. He handed me his backpack to throw on, he'd quickly tossed a few things in, apparently, he already had a bag at Tai's that they would bring so it wasn't very heavy. He must have noticed the look of unease on my face as he slid the bag into my hands.

"Matt got a new bike last year and asked if I wanted this one."

The look of confusion on my face morphed into a smirk, "Okay, that tracks but how are you at driving this thing?" I asked.

"Do you think I would ever do something that would put you in danger?" He was serious then, and I felt my heart tug. Five years ago there would have been a quip and a smirk. I craved the lightness he'd been able to bring in the past and now that I knew why it was gone, why he was so serious, it broke my heart all over again. I'd triggered all of it. The ocean and me hurting myself drove him to a full-on breakdown and now I was back and I wondered if I was going make it all worse for him?

I nodded and put my helmet on, unable to find any words and needing to hide and have some sort of boundary between us. I got on behind him and he instructed me to hold him around his waist and to make sure I leaned with him on turns, I nodded against his back trying to make sure to remember that. I'd never been on a motorcycle before and running for my life didn't seem like an optimal situation to learn, but I wasn't going to fight it. I took a breath as he started the bike and we began to drive away. It was a little awkward at first driving through the city, and a bit stop and go, but once he got us on the highway I actually found myself enjoying it. It was loud, the wind deafening, and I was able to let it drown out my thoughts for a while. While I could tell he was a safe driver and good at maneuvering the bike it still felt dangerous. Something in me liked it though, it felt like a controllable danger. He could keep us safe on this, but we could also be crushed in an instant if someone else wasn't careful. It was a danger I could handle at the moment, and one I found I craved now that I knew what it was like. It was almost enough stimulation to avoid any thoughts of being so close to him, almost but not enough.

Yes, he was different, but he was also still TK. He was still the boy I'd spent years of my life standing beside in battle. He was still the person I used to text in the middle of the night if I needed someone to talk to. He was still someone I thought may have been falling for me the way I'd been for him. Being against him like this was slightly maddening, and felt almost as dangerous as riding on this thing. We weren't children anymore and leaning my body against his in any fashion pushed my mind much further than my thoughts of kissing him as a teenager. I could feel him breathing, the gentle rise and fall of his back, and found myself syncing up my breath with his own. I let his body lead mine as he leaned into turns. We were a single entity.

It might have been a little over an hour before we got off the highway and were moving on country roads. The sky had started to darken and it was around dusk when I saw one of the signs say we were heading into Hakone. I remember coming as a child with my mother for a day trip but hadn't traveled here since. It finally clicked for me and I realized where we were going, TK's grandmother lived in Hakone.

After a few minutes we pulled down a dirt road and he slowed down the bike as quite a bit of dust from the dry earth was kicked up. When we finally came to a stop we were in front of an old home surrounded by woods. I took off my helmet and looked around, there was a dock to a small lake on our left but no other homes anywhere to be seen, we were totally isolated out here, it was perfect.

"So this is your grandmother's place?" I asked, getting off the bike and taking in the old style Minka home. I didn't see any other vehicles and it looked dark inside.

"Was," he said. I turned back towards him. "She passed about two years back and left it to Matt and me, but he wasn't really interested and knows how much I loved this place, so it's mostly just mine now."

"I'm so sorry," I said, remembering again how little I knew about him and how much we had missed in each other's lives.

"It's okay," he said, a sad smile crossing his face. "She was ready to go and I was here with her."

He quickly changed the topic back to the present. "Your brother and Izzy should be out in a bit, there is a store in town I told them to stop at, it's been a month or so since I was last out here so it's pretty empty food-wise." He rolled the bike up to the side of the house in front of a shed that looked newer than the rest of the property, and I followed him inside. He turned on the lights and I felt myself instantly relax as a faint glow covered the room. One half of the room felt like a traditional tea space while the second half was a cozy living room with an overstuffed cream-colored couch and a fireplace. I could see that more of the doors slid open to reveal the forest around us if we wanted to. He walked me through the home and I saw that while it seemed the tea space had remained untouched for years, many of the other areas had been updated. The first room opened up into the kitchen that had a countertop divider with stools around it instead of a kitchen table. The cabinets matched the counter's dark brown wood that stuck out against the bright white of the, clearly new, sink. He walked us past that and down a hallway towards three rooms. The first was a loft-style that he said his brother and him had shared as children, Matt had the top and him the bottom. It was simple, the walls a bright white contrast to the dark wood trim that flowed throughout the house. There was a dresser to match the bed but it was bare other than that. The next room had been his grandmother's, it was clean and tidy and barely touched, but there was a new bed, low to the ground with a fluffy white comforter that I wanted to curl into and sleep for weeks. There was a big comfy armchair near the window, with worn cognac leather that felt like butter as I ran my hand across it. There was also a small dresser and a closet. This would be my room.

He'd explained that he changed everything out over the last two years except for a few pieces of furniture he couldn't bear to part with, the tea table being one, the chair in here, some pictures on the walls, and then some things in his room which we moved too next.

It had the same paint and trim and cleanliness but it was overwhelmingly his own. There were built-in bookshelves that lined one of the walls, most of them filled to the brim with worn books with creased bindings from years of use. There was an old typewriter sitting on one of the shelves along with some photos of his family, plus the one with all of us as kids in the digital world. There was a hoodie casually tossed across the bed from the last time he'd been here. Papers and a notebook covered a desk that sat in front of a big picture window. Unlike the rest of the house, which was cozy but almost too neat, this room had life.

"It was my grandfather's old study," he explained. "I used to sneak in here and pretend to read the books when I was too young to know what the words were. They would go looking for me outside, and then find me in here under his desk. I'd tell them the story I'd made up in my head and they would praise me for being such a good reader. Probably not good for my ego," he laughed.

It made me happy to think of him that way, like when I'd first met him, small and full of imagination and joy. I wondered if he was still there beneath the layers of pain he'd faced. I walked over to the shelf and ran my fingers over a book that was probably older than this house, older than the second World War. We had nothing in my family that was preserved the way things here seemed to be. I never met my father's parents, long gone by the time I was born, but my mother's parents had been around until early high school. When my grandparents were alive they weren't the type to hold on to things. I remember asking for stories once, curious about our family history, but it almost seemed like they were running from something, from a past they'd rather keep locked away. Eventually, I stopped asking. They left nothing behind for me to put on bookshelves, or hide in boxes.

"It suits you," I turned around and met his smile with my own. He had always been a collector of stories. I was happy that he was able to inherit this place. A weight seemed to lift off of him being here, regardless of him living in the city, this was clearly what he considered home. His jaw wasn't so tight and his eyes had softened since we stepped foot in the door. If I'd been younger, I might have thought it was spooky being all the way out here, so far from the city, but now it felt like I could breathe easily surrounded by the thick trees. It felt like protection.

I pointed to the typewriter, with its dark hunter green finish, and aged keys, "Does this still work?" I saw his eyes light up a bit.

"Yea, it sticks a little and I need to give it a good cleaning but it can still type."

"I've never even touched one," I let my fingers trace the keys with their American letters. Japanese typewriters were cumbersome and most people didn't own them. TK's family was mixed-race, French on his mother's side and English and Japanese on his father's side, so he'd grown up learning both languages along with Japanese.

"I used this to write that letter I sent you when we were nine."

I hadn't thought of that in years. We'd been apart for months at that point and I missed him so much. None of my friends at school understood what I'd been through. Tai had Matt, Sora, and Izzy close by, but I was all alone. I was so excited when I got his letter and then wanted to scream when it was in English. He knew I had trouble with the subject and had promised he'd help me, I remember being slightly annoyed that this was how he'd decided to help.

"Yea, it only took me a week to translate it," I scoffed with a smirk.

"Hey, no one else was typing you letters let alone in another language, I knew you couldn't forget about me that way."

"You thought I'd forget about you?"

He sat down at his desk, using his feet to swivel him side to side, an old nervous tik I remembered from high school.

"Everyone else got to be together, I mean Joe was busy and Mimi moved away after a few years but you got to be with everyone else and I felt pretty lonely until we moved to Odaiba."

"I felt the same exact way," I sat down on his bed, pulling my legs up and crossing them in front of me. "Everyone was older than me so it's not like I was with them at all. I missed you a lot. I remember being so excited to get your letter and then even though it was frustrating it almost felt like we were speaking in code. Tai was so bad in other languages when we were young so it wasn't like he could spy on me and read it." I smiled. "I still have it with my things, if I'm ever able to go back to Kyoto I'll have to dig it out."

"So you didn't totally get rid of me?" He looked up through the ends of his hair as they fell into his face, making him look younger and shy.

"No, I mean, it's all in a box," I said sheepishly, "But it's there when I needed it."

"I'm glad," he said getting up. He held out his hand to help me off the bed. "Lemme finish the tour."

He showed me the rest of the house, the bathroom that was across the hall and next to the first room we saw, and then a big sunroom in the back of the house that looked out into the woods. There was older wicker furniture with faded cushions situated around the room facing out towards the woods. I imagined Matt and him as children, sitting on the floor of this room in the morning sun, coloring, or reading. I knew that coming here had been so meaningful to him when they were kids. He'd said once how important it was that he'd been able to be around two people who still loved each other after his parent's divorce. The two boys getting to be here with them was like getting two parents back for a little while. He'd been so heartbroken when his grandfather had died our freshman year of high school and spent a lot of time on holidays with his grandmother that year, not wanting her to be all alone out here.

I followed him back to the front to wait for my brother and Izzy. He put a pot on the stove for some tea while we waited.

"When they get here I need to ward the house, just to be sure it's fully protected."

"You think he'll find us out here?" He asked as he rummaged through cabinets, throwing out things well past their date.

"I assume he could find me anywhere. He found me in Kyoto. Apparently, I'm like a magical homing beacon. Nadia always joked about my name, saying it was too obvious, I'm like a bright light drawing things towards me."

"And you think that's why the ocean was drawn towards you?"

"It's a possibility. I feel like there's still so much I don't know, so much she had left to teach me."

I felt my eyes well up and for once I just let the tears fall. He set two steaming cups down on the table and sat next to me wrapping one of his arms around my shoulder. "I'm really sorry about your friend."

I nodded, wiping my tears away. "You'd have liked her."

"What was she like?"

I took a breath and closed my eyes, picturing her lovely face, and lively eyes. "She was kind, charming, and beautiful. Smart, so damn smart, she could outwit anyone in a debate, she would have given Ken a run for his money." I wrapped my hands around the warm mug, letting it ground me. I let my darker thoughts come out, the ones I'd hidden even from her. "I remember feeling jealous the first few weeks we were friends, at the way she held herself and the way people stared at her like everyone could tell she was otherworldly. She was so patient with me. She was my family. She was all I had left." I said drifting off.

"You still have us," he said, "I'm sorry you ever felt like you were alone."

I let my head fall against his shoulder, letting down a wall, desperate for comfort. I closed my eyes as his head dropped against my own, letting myself take in the woodsy smell of the house and of him. This place suited him and I was happy to be here now and to be seeing this version of him.

"TK?" I moved back a bit so I could look at him and he gave me some space, adjusting a little so he was facing me, nodding at me to continue.

"What did you want to meet that day at the beach about?"

His eyes grew wide and I could tell he was biting on the inside of his cheek. I don't know what prompted me, I'd left it alone back at his place, in the grand scheme of things it felt largely unimportant. Sitting here so close to him though, my mind drifted into other places, and I selfishly wanted to know. While I'd been attracted to Kato for totally different reasons, I had always been drawn to TK. The softness of his features, boyish and charming. His eyes seemed to change with his emotions, blue with grey streaks, that seemed darker depending on his mood. My eyes traveled down his face but I moved my gaze away from his mouth and back to his eyes in an effort to keep my face from turning red. Knowing that he hadn't meant to isolate me opened a door that I thought had closed a long time ago.

We jumped as we heard a door slam and the crunching of leaves, sticks, and earth as Tai and Izzy walked up the path. "It's not important, forget I asked," I said getting up and backing away, trying to keep my voice light so he wouldn't think I was mad. He looked almost in a daze, like the idea of that meeting took him right back to that night, and I hoped I hadn't crossed a line. The guys barged into the house with bags of food, so I busied myself with the distraction of putting it away.

"Holy shit," I turned at the sound of Tai's voice and saw him staring at TK.

The marks on his neck were an angry red color.

"What happened to the two of you?" Izzy added with concern.

"What did you tell them?" I asked, letting go of my task and moving towards them in the main room.

"Just that something happened and we needed to get out of the city, I said I'd explain once they got here."

"And we are here, so explain," Tai said, gesturing for me to sit on the couch. Izzy set his things down on the low tea table and then settled on an old armchair across from me.

I tried my best to recap what had happened in TK's apartment. Trying to explain a Bogie was difficult though.

"So it's a creature, but he couldn't touch it?" Tai looked weary.

"It's an elemental being, they manifest in different ways, sometimes it's in body, sometimes it's ghostly, sometimes you just hear a voice and feel a presence. It depends on the creature and how strong it is."

"So they are always bad or was it corrupted?" Izzy asked, trying to relate it to the Digimon so he could understand it better.

"No it doesn't work like that really, elemental beings don't really fall under good or bad they are much more likely to blur the lines between the two depending on the situation. Some are helpful, some want to stay hidden, some play mean pranks on people, and then some are cruel but normally will avoid you if you don't go disturbing them or trying to call on them."

"So there are more than just this bogie?" Izzy prodded.

"Yea, you have Bogies, Selkies, Hobgoblins, Mermaids, Fae, the Kitsune Inari messengers, those are some of the ones people would be most familiar with."

"Wait, wait, wait, you're telling me _mermaids_ exist too?" Tai looked like his head was about to explode. I knew he wanted this to be false, but the red marks around TK's neck were proof that what I was saying wasn't crazy.

"Not the way you think of them, it's not some children's movie. They look much less human than pop culture would lead you to believe and keep to themselves. Humans are predatory and cruel, the fae have plenty of reasons to avoid us or cause us harm."

"Sounds like you're on their side," Tai said in a huff.

"Tai it's not about sides. Most often these creatures are just trying to exist, and somehow Kato got to the Bogie and encouraged him to mess with TK or forced him to do it. A good enough witch can call on these beings to help them with spells and such."

"So have they always existed in our world?" Izzy moved us back into question and answer territory.

"You said they were both of this world and not of this world?" TK prompted.

"The way it was explained to me was they both exist in this world and don't because they exist differently than us. They live outside of time and can live to be hundreds of years old and flicker between another world that's been lost to time. I only know so much, and a lot of what we know is speculation, so it's hard to pin things down with definitive answers."

"How do we fight things we don't even understand." Tai slammed his hands on the table jolting all of us.

"We figured out how to fight against evil Digimon, time and time again, this is just another puzzle to figure out. If we are talking about other world lines I can look into string theory, similar to the digital world. We know there are at least two out there, this could prove that more exist." There was a spark in Izzy's eyes, his entire reality was being challenged but he loved a challenge.

"We weren't exactly alone were we," my brother said pointedly.

"Sorry I took that away from us." I pushed myself up from the table and moved towards my backpack, grabbing four nails and extra salt I'd gotten at the market. Tai tried getting me to come back, sending apologies, but I was too angry. I ignored him and walked out of the house leaving them to argue about science and whatever they thought was real or not real. I needed air. I knew I was probably being too sensitive, taking the comment too personally, but he had no idea how much I still blamed myself for us losing the Digimon. Who would we be now? Would we still all be close? Would I be a witch on the run from a man who killed my best friend? Would TK have had a mental breakdown? It all led back to me and my connection to the ocean and I needed to get to the bottom of it.

I took a deep breath and got to warding the house, I had to push an iron nail into the ground at the north, south, east, and west around the house, and then go around with salt, murmuring a spell that allowed the ground to swallow it down and hide it just beneath the surface. I felt the air shift and settle once it was complete and felt like I could breathe a little easier. Once I was finished I went back into the house, expecting to be bombarded but found it quiet, everyone had moved to their rooms, save for Izzy who I could hear typing away in the sunroom. I quietly made my way into my own room hoping that a long sleep would help me find a way to face my brother in the morning.

I curled myself into a ball and thought of TK though, of the pain in his eyes as he told me his past, and I felt my chest get tight. All I'd ever wanted for any of us after everything we'd been through was happiness. Even though I'd felt so much despair over losing him I always hoped he was thriving, and knowing that he was hurting made me want to cave in on myself. All the times I looked at my phone wishing he'd call I could have done it. I could have just dialed his number. So much time lost, so much hurt, was it my fault?

* * *

_TK_

I woke up in a panic, gasping for air, feeling my body tense with panic. I rolled onto my side and reached for my backpack, I quickly unzipped it and dug my hands inside, feeling around for my pill bottle. I let out a shaky breath as I found it, popped the top, and grabbed one. I took it with the lukewarm water I had next to my bed and tried to control my breathing. I was safe, in this bed, in this room.

I let my head fall into my hands. I'd dreamed of myself in the past when I was at one of my lowest points after Kari had gone and everyone went off to college except for me. I'd felt like a failure that fall, being tutored to pass tests I should have passed in the spring, doing it in secret so no one would know. My head would spiral back then, anytime I saw something sharp I thought of Kari, and then my thoughts would quickly travel to what it would feel like if I did it to myself. I hated that my brain went there, just a small cut, just a quick motion, just a little blood. I'd come so close at one point. I was so depressed and lonely, it was Cody who helped me then.

My therapist had told me that moving, some form of exercise might help, a way to get rid of the pent-up tension in my body. I didn't play basketball anymore so I'd lost the one thing I really did to stay active. Cody asked one day if I wanted to try Kendo or Kenjutsu, both taught by his grandfather, who was somehow still active and just as quick-witted as ever. I was desperate at that point, willing to try anything to help, and it was Kenjutsu that stuck. His grandfather had said to me, "You're not here for the sport you're here for battle, so you'll learn to fight." It seemed a little dramatic at first but he was right. I was at war inside of my own head and I needed a way out. He'd tried to get me to compete but I just wanted it for myself, I didn't want to turn it into something I was good at or bad at.

So I got up and did what I needed to when I couldn't shake the feeling of panic in my body. I tried to be quiet as I pulled clothing out of my drawers and changed into a pair of gym shorts and a tank top. I moved silently through the house. The sliding door glided easily and brought me out into the fresh air. I took a deep breath and let the cool breeze wash over me as I looked out at the lake, still and dark, a reminder of the ocean I wasn't looking for at the moment. I turned and headed towards the shed that I'd turned into a makeshift gym over the past year. It had some free weights off to the side and two heavy bags, one of them old and falling apart while the other was new as of a few months ago. I was there for my Bokuto though.

I grabbed it, let myself get used to the weight of it in my hands before I started moving. Strike, parry, strike, block, thrust. Over and over again I moved around the small room, fighting only the demons inside my own head. I closed my eyes and focused on my footwork as my false blade moved, syncing up my breathing, feeling like I was in control of _this_ right now, and letting it calm me.

"Hey!" Came Tai's startled voice as he backed out of the shed. I stopped mid-swing.

"I didn't see you."

"Clearly," He said, peaking back in to make sure it was safe to enter before he did.

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I don't think so. Just restless not being in my own place, it always takes me a day or two to adjust not being home, you know how it is."

I nodded, letting my Bokuto rest against the wall as I grabbed some water and sat on a bench off to the side.

"So you really couldn't even touch it back?" Picking up the conversation that had abruptly ended when Kari stormed out earlier. I'd been so tired I'd used it as an excuse to head to bed. He looked down, away from me, as if he couldn't see the truth then it wouldn't be real.

"No," my hands balled into fists. "How the hell are we supposed to fight something we can't get our hands on? It felt crazy Tai, it's like everything you had a nightmare about as a child is real now. How can we help her if she's the only one with any power to do anything?"

"She didn't use magic through right? Just an object, the iron. So that means we can fight in some fashion it's just knowing how. I'm sure being able to use a Katana isn't going to be a bad thing," he finished by nudging towards the practice sword. "Do you have an actual blade here?"

"Sort of, my grandfather had a Katana but I've never even unsheathed it so I don't know what kind of condition it's in. It might even just be an old decoration. I never thought I'd actually need a blade. I can check it out tomorrow." I thought of the sword that hung in my room, the carved wooden sheath with flames that started at the base and turned into smoke near the tip. The red leather that weaved itself around the handle. I don't know why I'd never looked at it, maybe it was a healthy fear of sharp objects in my own hands, but I shook those thoughts away.

"You two need to talk," I said.

"Coming from you," He said with a huff.

"I told her," I said not meeting his gaze.

"Really?" He looked up in surprise, "How did she take it."

"Well, she's not angry. I just don't want the pity that I could see in her eyes. We seem okay though, hopefully enough to start over."

"I don't think you have to start over TK, you can't ignore ten years of friendship, you just pick it back up differently."

"Ya, know sometimes you actually say the right thing," I said, laughing lightly. "Now you just need to say the right thing to your sister."

"You know I didn't mean it that way, I don't blame her, I never could." He kicked at the dirt on the ground, shoving his hands into his pockets, sulking.

"Tai we were children, something bad happened to her that caused us to change everything. I wasn't given a choice but I would have given my own life to protect hers. She had nothing to give, no way to make a choice except to sacrifice herself, and you know she probably would have. That's why you made it for her, and she had to live with that, and of course, it had an effect on her and left her with scars."

"Damnit," he mumbled. Not angry just truly realizing what it must mean to her, how it must feel. We didn't talk of that night often, ever really. It was too much. I'd never told Tai how angry and hurt her and I had been after it happened, that we didn't get a say. It didn't feel worth it.

"Talk to her," I said.

He nodded and moved towards me and placing a hand on my shoulder, "I'm proud of you for telling her, I know it wasn't easy, but I'm glad you finally did." He reached out his hand to help me stand. "We should get some sleep." I nodded and followed him back inside.

I was thankful that even though my brother wasn't around as much anymore that Tai had stepped into his shoes. There had been moments over the past few years that were incredibly lonely, but once Tai knew the truth it was like this gear shifted from friend to family, specifically when Matt moved. If he didn't hear from me for more than a week he was at my door with takeout or beer. As much as Kari needed Tai growing up, he needed to be needed. We were able to fill a place in the other's life and I was so grateful for it. Cody had eventually left for school as well, so the only one still in Tokyo from our group that knew what happened to me was Tai. I always felt too much shame to tell the others, even Izzy, so we drifted, still in contact but not the way we once were.

As I slid back into bed and closed my eyes I tried to force a better dream into my head. My mind originally went to the beach, the plan I'd had, and Kari. Thoughts drifted to the feel of her against me on my bike but I quickly forced it out and away. I could not go there right now. So I forced my mind back to fighting and I dreamt of sword battles. I dreamt of victory.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Delicate**

* * *

_Kari_

As I woke up and my eyes started adjusting to the light I felt a slight panic in my chest, unsure of the room I was in, until the last few days came rushing back. Ceiling fright, we'd named it in college, when you wake up in a room that wasn't yours after a night out. It was like I was waking from a hangover and was trying to place my memories in the right order. I rubbed my eyes and raked a hand through my hair, regardless of anything else right now I desperately needed a shower.

I grabbed some fresh clothes and quietly crept out of my room and into the bathroom. It was still fairly early, just past seven, and knowing Tai and TK they would be asleep for at least another hour or two. Izzy's sleep patterns were less predictable. I put down the toilet seat and set my clothes on top. As I pushed back the shower curtain I saw a variety of bottles, mostly men's body wash, shampoo, and conditioner, but thankfully I saw that there were brand new bottles clearly meant for me. They must have grabbed them at the store last night. I turned the shower on and let it heat up discarding my dirty clothes, and then stepped into the steaming water.

I scrubbed shampoo into my hair, and then untangled it with too much conditioner but was happy to be able to easily run my hands through it after waking up with it reminiscent of a bird's nest. I poured body wash onto a brand new pink loofa and rubbed my skin until it felt raw. I turned up the heat and let the water rap against my back, a reminder that this was real, pain could always do that. I wanted to be rid of the past few days. I wished the water would scorch it away and wash me clean. I wanted the reminder of it off of my body but knew the bruises I had were still fading away. I let tears well up and fall, silently crying and letting them mix with the water. I dropped the loofa and curled myself into a ball on the shower floor, feeling weak and small and frightened. I wanted to be brave, strong, capable, but what had I done since running except almost get another friend killed. What other harm would I cause? I thought about gathering my things and leaving, running through the forest and away where no one could find me, but it was too late now and I knew if I ran off the guys would come looking for me. As the water began to run cold I pulled myself together, resigned not to cry anymore. Not until all of this was over.

I hated to cry. I hated to let myself fall apart in any real way. There was something in me that felt a little bit broken when it came to crying. As a child I'd wanted to be seen as strong. I never wanted to seem more afraid than I was. TK had been the opposite. He was never afraid to show his emotions, he seemed to feel everything, and I envied it. There was none of this masculinity masking that most teenage boys do. If he needed to cry he just did it and if he got angry he was fierce and when he was happy it was infectious. Of course, he could bottle things up like anyone else, but it wasn't the same way I felt like I did. When my brother almost died at one point I just shut down, it's like I ceased to feel anything at all, so maybe I needed all these tears now, maybe I was crying for years of suppressed emotion. Maybe once this was all over I needed to scream and wail and let it all go, but for now, I needed to worry about defeating Kato.

I got out and dried off as quickly as I could, reminding myself that this was the only bathroom and not wanting to be occupying it for longer than I needed to. I did stop though and wipe off the mirror, staring at my sad reflection. My lip was starting to close up but my eye had probably reached the peak of bruising, dark and angry making the white of my eye stand out harshly. My side was starting to feel better at least. I dressed in a pair of baggy high-waisted dark grey jeans and pulled on a dark green cropped tank top. Giving myself one last look in the mirror knowing this was as presentable as I was going to get. I left the bathroom and dropped my clothes on the floor until I could ask TK about a washing machine.

I heard some rummaging in the kitchen and peeked out to see Izzy, grateful, and humored that he was the person I was most comfortable around right now. I headed out to join him for breakfast.

He brightened up when he saw me, thankfully ignoring my bruised face, and pulled out Nadia's notebook. "I have one of the pages decoded."

"How'd you figure it out?" Excitement rose in me, I almost skipped over to him I was so happy. There had to be something in her book that could help us, something that could help keep us safe.

"She used a simple A1Z26 cipher, for this passage. Unfortunately, she doesn't use the same anywhere else. I had been trying to decode another passage when I got frustrated and skipped some pages. It was then that I found the numbers and I knew right away what it was." He faded off as he looked up and saw the clueless look on my face.

"I have no idea what an a1whatever you called it is."

"Sorry. Yes, so it's a cipher that uses the number that corresponds to the American alphabet. So A would equal one, b would be two, all the way to z at twenty-six."

"Well, that's not terribly difficult. You said the others are different."

"Unfortunately yes, there are lots of symbols and sometimes I think she might be writing in more than one language so what would break the code in one, doesn't work for another."

"She wanted this one figured out."

"I think so yes," he placed the book in front of me and I read her words in his quick and messy handwriting.

" _Out of the mud will come the brightest flower_

_Lifted by the wind and ignited by flame_

_together balanced and bathed in holy light_

_or cast apart in a devil's endless fight"_

"It sounds like a prophecy," I said, letting my fingers trace over the words.

"I agree." He sat down and ran a hand over his face, I looked at him then and saw soft purple circles under his eyes, he must have been up all night working on this. "But why would she have written a prophecy and where did it come from?" He asked.

My stomach churned a bit. I'd explained Clair senses but left out what we could do relating to them, magic I could show them, there was a physical change in the world around us but hearing voices or seeing the future or past was another story. If he was going to help, if any of them were, they needed to know everything.

"She could see things," I mumbled, trying to find the right words.

"What do you mean?"

I started pacing a bit. "Nadia would have dreams of things that hadn't happened yet. When she was young she wrote it off as Deja vu, but the dreams got more specific as time went on and she knew that she was seeing the future. She could touch you and know things from your past, hear voices, certain smells could set her off. I don't know how to explain it in a way that it won't sound crazy." I stopped pacing and collapsed into a chair.

"Kari your body used to get taken over by disembodied voices from the digital world. I'm not really sure what you could say that would sound crazy at this point. The more I know the more helpful I can be."

His frankness made a laugh escape my lips. "I thought you'd be the hardest to convince."

"I'm skeptical of everything," he tutted, "but I also know that there is so much in this world that we still don't understand. I'd like to understand as much of it as I can. If I refuse to acknowledge the possibility of what you're telling me then what would be the point in learning more about it?"

I felt myself get a bit choked up, I reached out and grabbed onto his arms, "I'm glad you're here Izzy. I'm glad you three stayed close. We'd truly be lost without you." The words tumbled out of my mouth and I saw a blush creep onto his face.

"I-uh-thank you."

I pulled back, "So a prophecy?" I moved the notebook back in front of me and quickly changed the subject so we could move back to the mystery in front of us and away from emotions I knew he didn't like to navigate.

* * *

I sat on the dock, thinking about the passage, trying to put it together in my head. Nadia hated to talk about the future and her visions. She'd said that the future wasn't written in stone and could always be changed, so why dwell on it. I'd always been glad that clairvoyance hadn't shown up for me, I was tortured enough by the past, I didn't need the future sneaking up and adding any spice.

I heard cautious footsteps on the wood and I knew it was Tai before he sat down next to me. I couldn't see the future but I could get a sense of those around me, his movements were distinctly his own. Reluctant but sturdy, and the energy around him was always crackling like a flame. I tried not to be tense but my hands gripped onto the wooden edge.

"I'm sorry about last night." He sounded as tired as Izzy looked and it made my heart hurt. As upset as I'd been in the moment, I hated to make him feel bad, especially when I knew how hard that decision had to be for him to make.

"I overreacted." I shook my head, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is even happening and that you have to deal with it."

"Hey, stop this." He grabbed my arms gently, turning me towards him. "This thinking is what always hurts us. This idea that somehow what's happening is your fault. You're a target, not the archer."

"I'm sick of it!" I felt so much all at once. Anger. Shame. Fear. I closed my eyes tight and tried to calm my breathing.

"Is that you?" His voice was full of wonder. I opened my eyes and I saw a mist forming around us from the lake.

"Damnit, see! I can't even control the magic I have. If my emotions are a mess around water then there is no telling what happens, one time we even think I might have caused it to rain! Rain Tai! What the hell am I suppose to do with that? I'm still learning control." I tried to tamper the fog that was forming, steading my breath and my focus, pushing it towards the middle of the lake and willing it to dissipate.

He let out a heavy sigh, "Do you remember when you got lost that day with grandma and grandpa?"

I looked back towards him, confused, I never remember being lost as a child with them. We didn't talk about our grandparents much. They were stoic and could be harsh. It wasn't that we didn't love them it just wasn't particularly warm and fuzzy when we were with them.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You were so little, maybe three. We went to a park with them and I had been playing with other kids at the playground while you were in the sandbox. You were always good at keeping yourself company. Daydreaming and playing pretend. At some point, they started calling your name and I turned and saw you were gone, they were frantic, grabbed me off the playground, and held my arm so tight I thought it might bruise. There was a wooded area near the playground so we went towards it, calling for you. This was before cell phones so it's not like they could call mom and dad or the police. So they went looking." He paused, glancing up towards the mist that was almost gone now. It looked almost like it was meant to be there, hovering over a valley in the early morning.

"We found you a few minutes later playing in a stream, you were laughing, splashing your hand in and out of the water. When we got closer though we saw that when you put your hand in the water it moved around you, as if you had some sort of forcefield around you so it couldn't touch you. They picked you up and swept you away from the water, looking so scared, and then you cried until you fell asleep in your car seat. They told me I needed to watch out for you, and when I tried to ask about the water they said to never talk about it. I always thought they just didn't want mom and dad to know you'd gone missing. When you showed us the mist the other day I knew it was real, because I knew then that something was different, I just didn't know how to explain it."

"You've always known?" I tried to process this new information. I didn't know if I was exactly surprised or annoyed that he'd never told me but then again he was a child and how would I have taken hearing that I could manipulate water. We had so much responsibility as children, we were saving worlds, plural! Still, we were kids, with imaginations and ideas we didn't know what to do with. I wondered about how much we'd missed when it might have come to magic. Were there other signs that we chalked up to the digital world when the answer was so much more complicated than that?

"I didn't know what I knew Kari, you've always been different, sensitive, looking at things as a toddler it seemed like no one else could see." He ruffled my hair a bit, "I just thought it was kid stuff."

"And now?" I asked wearily.

"And now you're stronger than me and I don't know how to protect you."

"I'm not stronger than anyone," I said in a huff.

"Kari," he sighed, leaning back onto his hands and looking up towards the sky like it held all the answers we might need. "Your fatal flaw is your perceived weakness. It's always held you back and maybe that's my fault for being too overbearing, for asking TK to watch out for you and protect you when I couldn't be there. You've always been capable of standing on your own two feet and I'm sorry if I didn't encourage that in you enough."

I felt my words catch in my throat. It felt like a compliment and criticism all at once. I had always relied on him too much though, TK even called me on it right before the first time I'd been swept into the ocean.

"How do you do it?" I asked, letting my head fall against his shoulder and creating the most contact we'd had since I'd been home.

"Do what?"

"Be a leader?"

He put his arm around me and gave me a short squeeze, "I'll tell you my biggest secret." He paused for dramatic effect. "I rarely had any idea how to be a leader and everyone else made me better. I just took things as they came and tried to be in the moment. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it was a mess. All you can do is the best you can in each situation."

I let it sink in, knowing my brother, and knowing it was probably true. He wasn't exactly a planner, but he did have a way of bringing out the best in others which in turn brought out the best in him. I still felt uneasy though.

"I'm scared," I said.

"You should be," He looked down at me in amusement, "If you weren't scared you wouldn't be fighting for anything that mattered. We're with you, in any way we can be, I promise." He stood up and reached down to help me up. He pulled me into a tight hug once I was standing and I gripped him fiercely. "I believe in you." He said before releasing me.

Maybe I needed to hear it, but he was right, if I was going to beat this I was going to need to start believing it for myself. I couldn't only fight against Kato thinking one of us wasn't going to make it out. I needed more drive than that. I needed to fight for my friends, for my family, and for anyone else he might harm along the way. I couldn't let him take anything else from the world.

* * *

_TK_

I dragged the old heavy bag out of the shed. This one had been out here for years, our grandparents got it for us when Matt was about twelve so he had something to take his teen angst out on. He wasn't really the athletic type though. While he could throw a punch it was more like one at a time and few and far between. He was much happier to hide away and play music. His lack of attention was my gain for a while but I'd tried putting it up when I was setting my gym up but it ripped at the top and I'd had to get a new one. I did my best to prop it up against an old tree stump. I heard the leaves crunch behind me and turned around to see Kari and Tai walking towards me, they looked more at ease, and it seemed like they'd talked through some things. It settled me, it was hard to see them so at odds.

"What are you doing?" Kari looked between me and the sword on the ground.

"Testing my grandfather's Katana to see if it's actually useful."

"His _Katana_?" Kari asked, her eyes growing in size as she took a slight step back from the blade.

"I started practicing with Cody's grandfather a few years ago," I nodded towards Tai, "We figured it couldn't hurt if I was actually able to use it."

Kari looked skeptical but if she had reservations she kept them to herself.

Tai reached for it and was about to roughly un-sheath it, "No!" I shouted and he stopped abruptly.

"Sorry, it's an antique I just want to be careful."

"No, sorry, overzealous over here. I don't even know how to use it," he chuckled handing it to me.

I wrapped one hand around the handle, feeling the worn, wrapped leather, in my hands. It felt almost warm, I thought it must have been sitting in the sun for too long. I placed my other hand on the wooden sheath, letting my fingers run across the ridges from the carving. I slowly pulled the blade out, surprised to find that it at least appeared to be in impeccable condition. Kari held out her hand for the sheath and I gave it to her without looking away from the blade. It was lighter than I expected, the weight felt good in my hands, right, like it was made for me. There were no markings or signs of wear or warping, for a blade so old it didn't make any sense, part of me thought it might come out in pieces. Now it was just a matter of seeing if it was sharp anymore, I imagined it was pretty dull so didn't get my hopes up. I stood in front of the heavy bag and slowly swiped towards it to make sure I had the height right. I didn't want to get the blade caught in the wood of the stump. I took a breath raised the katana and sliced it through the air towards the bag at an angle. I felt nothing, no impact, and looked back towards the bag in confusion because I was way too close to have missed. I put my hand on top of the bag and it felt to the side, a clean cut had gone through and through, so sharp I hadn't even noticed it.

"Holy hell, TK I thought you said that thing was an antique?" Tai moved towards the bag, looking at the slice in amazement.

"I-It is," I held it tighter in my hands, confused how a blade that was easily as old as the 1940's was able to cut the way this one did.

Tai and I turned back towards Kari whose focus was on the sheath in her hands, as she mumbled words we couldn't understand. Her eyes looked glazed over like she was somewhere else, we moved towards her both saying her name but she didn't move. It wasn't until Tai placed a hand on her shoulder that she jolted out of her daze, the sheath falling from her hands towards the ground, as she stepped back away from it.

"Are you okay?" Tai asked as she blinked a few times and stared back and forth between the two of us. She was suddenly uneasy on her feet, Tai rushed towards her as her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fainted into his arms. He placed one arm under her knees and the other around her back and lifted her up.

He moved his head down towards her face, "She's breathing," he said.

"What the hell happened," I moved towards them and placed my hand against her forehead. "She's hot," I said, surprised at how feverish she felt.

"I'm going to take her inside to lay down, maybe all the stress is just catching up, she's been through hell the past few days."

I watched them walk away, confused, and left with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I reached down for the sheath and let the katana slide back inside of it, when the handle hit though I had a vision of flames, so quick and strange that I stumbled back for a moment. Just as quickly as it came it was gone. I looked down at the carved flames on the sheath, and then back at the empty space that Kari had been standing in wondering if somehow it was connected. Nothing felt like a coincidence anymore, but I'd have to wait for her to wake up to find out.


	10. Holy Ground

**Chapter 10 – Holy Ground**

* * *

_Kari_

The woods around me were ablaze. Tree branches fell into an inferno that scorched the forest floor. I walked through ash and soot and felt nothing. Nothing physical. I stepped over hot coals as if they were nothing but dirt under my toes. I wondered for a moment if this was death and if I was in hell, had Kato come and snuffed me out without me seeing it coming? I thought, there was too much peace. The fire burned a beautiful amber light and the coals flickered along the ground like fireflies. Even though I stood amongst the flames the air was clean and clear in my lungs. Best of all, I was warm, gloriously warm. It was as if I'd been wrapped in a cashmere blanket. For someone with an affinity for water, it was the fire I longed for, ached for, could get lost in. I often wondered if it was because it felt like home somehow or maybe we always ached for what we couldn't touch.

Nadia said our elemental magic was connected to our astrology, and chart placements. So as a Pisces, water came easy to me, next was earth with my moon in Taurus. I was an Aries rising though, and fire still seemed so out of reach. I sometimes wondered if it had to do with Tai, my longing for more fire. He was an Aries, alarmingly so. I admired his impulsiveness, his ability to lead, his strength and courage. Then there was TK, a Saggitarius, whom I was inexplicably drawn to. His charm, and ease, and urge for justice. Hell even Davis was a fire sign, a Leo, and sure I'd only had a short crush on him, I can admit I liked his attention, there was something about the fire in him I was drawn to as well. All of these men, who I looked up to or loved, all had this fire I couldn't seem to touch, to grasp.

Here, now though, standing in this blaze I felt alive. I felt free. Over the deafening sound of the flames came the clank of metal against metal. I felt my body pulled in the direction of the muffled sounds of a battle but before I could see what it was I shot awake in bed. For once I didn't need to catch my breath. I didn't feel scared. I felt safe. I felt warm. For a moment I wished to be back amongst the flames.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the bedroom and I jumped a bit seeing someone slumped over in the chair near the window. After a breath, I realized it was TK, fast asleep, but I didn't know why. My head was a fog and the last thing I remembered was holding his katana sheath in my hands, everything was dark after that.

I rubbed my sore temples trying to get a grasp on what had happened earlier in the day. I remembered the feel of the wood in my hands the groove of carvings I couldn't place now and then nothing. I must have passed out, it would explain the lost time and him staying in my room, they must have taken shifts keeping an eye on me. Fainting was nothing new for me at this point and in the past it had led to a similar situation, waking up in a room with one of our friends there to make sure I was okay. I huffed, wishing I was back in the fire, wishing I was someone else. Just when I thought I was ready, that I was strong, I faint and feel helpless all over again. My nails were digging into my palms and I let them, angry with myself, and decided it was a fitting punishment. Then I sighed again and unclenched my hands feeling childish.

I looked back towards TK and thought of leaving him there. He looked peaceful, all the tension and years of stress evaporated from his face while he slept. He was so handsome, his cherub features from childhood thinned out and the glow of the moon gave his cheekbones some severity that wasn't noticeable during the day. His full lips and pronounced cupids bow once again took my head somewhere it didn't need to go at the moment. I needed to get myself together.

I thought of the pain he'd likely have after curling up in that chair all night and thought it would be kinder to wake him. I crept out of bed, not wanting to startle him and planning to wake him gently but as I reached out my eyes were drawn past him outside the window. A small white fox sat outside making direct eye contact with me. Its bright snow colored tail swished back and forth as it tilted it's head as if it was trying to make sense of me from inside of the house. It stood out under the moonlight, surrounded by the dark wood and placid lake, and for a moment I wondered if I was seeing a ghost.

"Kitsune?" My voice came out breathy and full of curiosity. It did a jaunty spin as if in response and then looked between me and the forest entrance. I gazed back to TK and decided to let him keep sleeping afraid if I woke him now he would try to stop me. I tiptoed out of my room and slid on my shoes before heading outside. The little fox was waiting before the tree line for me. As I got closer it moved towards me and rubbed along my legs like a cat before bounding into the forest. I followed after her like a faithful servant, moving at a brisk pace along a well-worn path, stumbling a few times over tree roots and rocks. The moonlight flickered through the branches onto the forest floor, it was growing towards full and gave just enough of a glow to be helpful.

It took me back to days in the digital world, stumbling through the night into battle or away from it for cover. My entire childhood felt like a fever dream and there were nights I laid awake in university and wondered if I'd imagined it all. It was only the feel of my D3 that brought me back to my warped reality. I'd lived through wars, through death, not just from Digimon but literal human death, and we just continued on as if it was normal. The sick part was that I missed it. I missed being needed, feeling called, feeling special. I think it's why I was so quick to believe Nadia, to follow her, to bring Kato in. I wanted to be chosen again. Maybe a part of me even wished for battle. There was something about being on the brink of death that could make you feel alive.

My foot caught in a root and I stumbled into my hands and knees. I pushed myself up and winced as a small bit of blood started to form on my knee from a rock I'd fallen onto. I looked up and saw that the creature stopped underneath a willow tree just slightly off the path ahead of me. It's branches tickled the earth as they swayed with the night breeze. The little fox walked back towards me and I leaned down, reaching my hand out and it tilted its head into my hand. I rubbed it's fluffy head and scratched behind her ears. "What did you want to show me? What's out here, huh?" I asked, and she responded by bounded over to a spot a few feet away started digging. I moved closer but was startled as a branch snapped behind me, I turned to see a sleepy-eyed TK stumbling through the woods.

"What are you doing out here?" I whispered.

He rubbed his eyes, "I could ask you the same thing," he said through a yawn. "I saw you follow something into the woods and was worried."

I saw the concern across his face as he drew closer. "You're hurt?" He looked down at my knee and I flinched, feeling bad for making him worry.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to wake you. I was following the fox."

"What fox?" He asked, looking around me towards the tree.

I turned and saw that it was gone, leaving only a shallow hole where it had been digging. I moved towards it and put my hand towards the ground. Closing my eyes I took a breath and tried to focus on the earth beneath me and what it wanted me to see, why it dragged me out here. ' _Dig,_ ' said a voice.

"I think there's something buried here. It led me out here and when I asked why it started digging."

"Foxes dig holes. It was probably nothing." He said, trying to rationalize thought another yawn.

"No," I pouted a bit, "It wasn't a normal fox. It was looking at me through the window and it waited for me to come outside. It was guiding me here. It was bright white TK. The Kitsune are messengers, it was trying to tell me something. I know it." I let my fingers dig into the earth but it was too hard for my hands to move. "Do you have a shovel?" I looked back at TK desperately.

"Maybe we should wait until morning." He said, wearily looking around as if the woods and the darkness around us might swallow us whole. The clouds had moved over the moon and it left the wood dull and ominous.

"This is important." I said, "I need you to trust me a bit here, things aren't going to get less weird as we go, if anything it's going to only get weirder"

He nodded with another yawn, reluctantly accepting the truth we found ourselves in, "I'll be back. Stay here. If another forest creature shows up, tell it to wait."

I let a smirk pull at the edges of my lips as he walked back towards the house. I sat back against the tree and closed my eyes, silently giving thanks to the small fox that brought me here. I'd never interacted with elemental beings before that Bogey, only learned about them, and now twice in a few days, they'd come into my life. I had to believe this one was here to help me instead of harm me. Why bring me out here to show me this spot only to hurt me. Fox spirits could be tricksters, but they could also be cunning and loyal to those they put their trust in. I had to believe it was the latter, if anything else was against me at this point I didn't know that I could take it. There was something under the earth that I needed to find, I was sure of it. It felt like a heartbeat underneath my feet, steady and solid.

After a few minutes, TK returned looking more awake, holding two shovels. He handed me one and we silently started digging.

"I'm sorry I woke you," I said sheepishly, and I was, I'd already put them through enough.

"Don't worry about it," He glanced up through his thick lashes, taking me in. "Do you remember anything from today?"

"Just that I was holding your sheath and then I woke up in my bed." I paused digging and tried to remember anything from that moment but it was just blank. I didn't know how the blade worked though, "I don't even remember you swinging it. Did you figure out if it is sharp enough to use?"

"Somehow, yes." He stopped now, leaning onto his shovel. His eyes shut tight, and he ran a hand through his hair, "Kari, it makes no sense. It's as if it was forged yesterday. I was sure it was an antique, maybe even just for show, I never imagined it was lethal." He shuddered with the final word.

"Maybe your grandfather just took really good care of it?" I said.

"That's just it, it was hidden in a chest of their things. I only put it on display after they passed." He started digging again with a shake of his head.

"Maybe they just didn't want a weapon out in the open with children in the house?" I offered it as a logical explanation, but I could see that it was bothering him.

"I don't-" He was interrupted when his shovel hit something hallow. We shot looks towards one another and then started digging faster. It was a few more minutes before we had uncovered the whole thing. It was a wooden box, varnished in a dark polish, seemingly untouched by the elements around it. We dug space around the edges and found handles on either end but when we tried to lift it we realized it was far too heavy.

"Shit." He said, staring down at it. "How the hell are we going to get this thing out of here. And who put this on our property?" He was truly unsettled now, glancing around on edge as if someone would hop out of the woods and push us down into the hole with the mysterious box.

"Could your grandparents have buried it?" I asked, but I could tell from the look of unease in his eyes that it was unlikely.

"I can't imagine my elderly grandmother being able to lift this into a hole. Look at it. It looks new right?"

I looked down again and took in the box, and he was right, it looked like it was recently buried. "Point taken."

I tried to think. I wanted this out of here. I needed to know what was inside. If it could wait until tomorrow the fox wouldn't have come. We needed what was in here. I knew that in my bones.

"Got any spells," he threw out as a joke.

I did though. I knew one, but I'd never done it alone, I'd rarely done any magic alone. I'd always been scared, always relied on Nadia the same way I'd always relied on Tai, or TK, or the rest of my friends. I set my jaw, determined. I was done not being strong. I was done waiting for everyone else to have the answers for me.

"Grab your end."

"Kari we can't-"

"Grab your end," I said firmly. "Don't lift until I tell you.

He wrapped his hands around the handle, unsure, and probably worried about what would be of both our backs in the morning.

I focused my eyes on the box as I wrapped my hands around my own handle. I didn't have a spell for it, but Nadia used to write her own so I just needed to think of something and set my intention and thoughts towards it. That was always how she explained it. Make the words something simple you can remember and repeat. So I thought about what I needed. I needed strength, but I couldn't change my own body's strength, I needed to change the weight of the box. _'Light as air,'_ I thought, but what else. ' _Light as air, light as air, light as air,'_ I thought over and other again, trying to find the words to come next. _'A weighted burden we can share.'_ It wasn't enough. I looked down at the box again, a box, that's it! _"Shape of square, be light as air, a weighted burden we can share."_

"Now!" I shouted and we both lifted, so much so that it threw off our balance, lighter than we expected and we felt to the side, taking the box with us tumbling onto the ground.

"You did it!" He said, laughing in disbelief.

"I did," my voice filled with awe. "I really did it," I said, now laughing too. Feeling a spark of joy and belief in myself I thought I'd lost. I had power, I just needed to trust myself. I moved to sit up, the world spun around me, and I fell back to the earth. Spots shot to the front of my vision and a pain shot through my head.

"Kari," TK called to me as he scrambled over.

"I'm okay," I said. "I think I just exerted myself."

He gently brought my head into his lap and brushed my hair away from my face. I closed my eyes and if I thought hard enough we were back on the beach, "our beach," he'd once called it. There was a day, not so long before that end of year dance where we'd found ourselves back on there. We avoided it quite a bit those first few weeks after the gate closed, it felt tainted, and I hated that what was suppose to be ours became this reminder of our own failure. Eventually, though, we were drawn back there. Drawn back to what was familiar. We'd been studying and I was using his legs as a pillow when suddenly one of his hands started absentmindedly running through my hair. My body had frozen, afraid to move, to breathe, to break the spell that seemed to overtake him. Just as suddenly as it had started it ended as he reached his hand back up to turn a page. I'd relaxed again, but unable to focus back on my work, wishing he'd resume. It was the moments like that, few and far between during those months, that gave me hope for us.

"Have you ever done anything like that before?" His voice broke the spell, and I was back on the cold forest floor.

"No, Nadia was always with me when I practiced."

"You're amazing," His comment caught me off guard and I felt my face heat up. He was looking at the box in awe.

"It was your idea," I tried to say, brushing it off.

"You did it though." He looked back down at my face, and a sudden sadness filled his eyes. His fingers traced around one of my eyelids and the skin underneath my eye.

"Does it still look bad?" I asked of the bruises.

"I think it's beginning to fade," he clenched his jaw and anger clouded his vision. "I'm so sorry he hurt you."

"I let him in. It's my fault." My voice was low, and horse.

"Kari, you can't"

I interrupted him, "No it's on me. Nadia tried to warn me. She knew he wasn't good, that something was off, and she tried to keep him away but I wouldn't let up. He had power and was willing to share it, and I wanted it. I wanted that power."

"We spent our lives fighting against those who were more powerful than us, it's normal that you wanted a piece of it. That you wanted to feel that type of control for once when we had so little of it as kids." His hands lightly ran through my hair as he spoke, soothing and gentle.

I wanted to believe him but would we all have made the same choice, would Sora have? Would Tai have? Would TK? I didn't know how to tell him that I was drawn to Kato in other ways, it felt like a betrayal somehow and the words all got caught in my throat.

I moved to sit up, going slow to make sure I wouldn't get dizzy again. He moved slightly to give me space but stayed close to me in case I fell. "He'll look worse in the end," I said determinedly. It didn't matter what I'd felt for him in the past, now all I wanted was him gone, obliterated from this earth. Our eyes met in that moment in an unspoken agreement, we would take him on, and we would win. We had to.

"So," he stood up and held out his hand for me to take, "How are we going to get that thing back to the house?"

"I'm not sure if I can use the spell again." I brushed myself off, moving back towards the container and trying to lift the one side a bit but it was pretty heavy even outside of the hole.

"Can I help in any way?" Once he asked I realized I didn't actually know the answer to that. I'd never asked if people who didn't have powers could assist or if there was a way for the energy they exerted to be sent to someone. There was so much I never thought to ask. It was worth a shot though.

"Grab your end and repeat after me," I said, thinking it was better to try at this point before abandoning it altogether. He moved over and gestured for me to continue. "Say this phrase with me, out loud, I'm pretty sure it works better aloud."

"Shape of square, be light as air, a weighted burden we can share." I said.

He paused raising a brow, "Wait that's it?"

"What did you expect it to be?" I asked a bit put off.

"I donno, something more complex?"

I stared at him flatly.

"Or something that ends with Abracadabra," he wiggled his fingers in the air for emphasis and wagged his eyebrows.

"Are you finished," I said with a smirk. "Spells need to be easy enough to remember, they tend to rhyme for that reason."

"Oh," he shrugged. "Okay. Shape of square, be light as air, a weighted burden we can share." He said and I joined him on the next one.

"Shape of square, be light as air, a weighted burden we can share.

Shape of square, be light as air, a weighted burden we can share.

Shape of square, be light as air, a weighted burden we can share."

I felt my body get warm, and a tingle ran down my arms into my hands, which hadn't happened before. I nodded for him to lift. It rose easily off the ground and we started moving towards the house. Repeating the words and concentrating on the weight in our hands. After a few minutes, we cleared the tree line and both moved a bit quicker, a sheen of sweat glistened across his face in the moonlight and I could feel myself slick as well. It started to become heavier as we neared the house and we both dropped it near the front door, collapsing onto our backs, exhausted and drained.

"We," he huffed, "did it."

"We did," I managed to get out. A smile pulled at the corners of my lips. I wondered what else I could do with the help of others, and how else they might be able to amplify my magic. This opened so many doors for us.

I closed my eyes, my body begging for rest. The sound of our breath felt loud in my ears. I opened my eyes to the moon and the stars, the clouds had vacated the sky, and now it was so clear I almost gasped. Last night I'd been too preoccupied with warding the house to take a moment to look up at the sky, so far away from the city, so clear of pollution. So many stars shone above us, there were constellations I could pick out that you'd never catch back home. The sky started to blur and I felt my eyes become heavy, the sounds around me dulled and quieted and I let myself succumb to exhaustion.


	11. I Did Something Bad

**Chapter 11: I Did Something Bad**

* * *

_TK_

I could smell the earth below me, rich and heavy, too alive for the house. It was warm, and the air was thick with moisture as if the rain was begging to be let out of the clouds. I had to be outside. Everything hurt. I was lying on something hard and uneven, and my head was at a weird angle. My eyes didn't want to open. I just wanted to stay between consciousness and sleep. This hazy place where I could create the world in my head before I opened my eyes to what was real. Here Kari's head rested in my lap, and my fingers ran through her hair. Here there are no battles. Here there is no question of what we mean to each other. If I can just stay here locked in a body aching but a mind at peace, I could be happy for a while longer.

"TK? Hey, wake up."

No such luck. I felt firm hands on my shoulders. They shook me gently, and it caused my discomfort to take over. I opened my eyes against the soft light of dusk and raised a hand to try and block it out.

"Are you okay?" I turned my attention to the person above me, and they slowly came into focus. I heard someone else call out Kari's name. I jolted upright and remembered the woods, the crate, and the spell.

"Hey relax," I turned to meet my own eyes.

"Matt?"

"Hey, little brother, staying out of trouble, I see?" His hands grazed the marks against my neck. "Are you okay?" His voice is suddenly tense with worry.

I brushed him away, "I'm fine. Is Kari okay?" I turned out of his grasp to see her sitting up in Sora's arms.

"I'm alive, feel like I've been hit by a truck, but okay." She answered tiredly.

"How did you know we were out here?" I turned back to Matt, who was kneeling on the ground next to me.

"I called them." We all turned to Tai, standing in the doorway rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "What the hell happened to you two? What's with the crate?" He rushed out when he realized Kari was on the ground. She waved him off to calm him down, but I knew she was feeling as off as I was.

We looked towards each other, clearly trying to find an explanation.

"Guys, it's gonna be weird. Just tell us," Tai said, exasperated.

Kari let the story tumble from her lips as quickly as possible, and it almost hurt to watch Sora and Matt's eyes get bigger. It sounded a little crazy, even by the weird standards we had at this point.

They looked between us and the crate, which in the light was much larger than it seemed last night. It was easily four feet wide in both directions.

"How the hell did you carry this thing?"

"A spell," Kari said, "I think we passed out after."

"We?" Tai looked towards me.

"I didn't know if it would work, but he was able to amplify it by chanting with me."

"Wait, what the hell is going on?" Matt interrupted, looking between Kari and me. Sora looked clueless and had a worried look on her face as if we were both losing it.

"You didn't tell them everything did you?" Kari asked Tai.

"I thought it would be easier to hear in person." He grumbled.

"What's easier to hear in person?" Sora asked, finally speaking up.

"Let's go inside and talk. You guys need to eat and rehydrate," Tai said. Kari was about to interrupt, gesturing towards the crate, but he stopped her. "We can open this thing later. You guys both look like shit. You're covered in dirt and slept outside all night. Eat, shower, hell maybe even take a nap in a real bed, and then we can open it." She looked down at herself, noticing the dried blood on her knee, and grimaced before silently nodding.

My brother reached out a hand to help me up. He held us back while Sora helped Kari inside.

"Are you okay," he looked worried, glancing between Kari's retreating figure and me. "What the hell is going on?"

"Can we just tell it as a group?" I looked back towards him, but he wasn't budging. "Matt, I'm not crazy right now. You can clearly see Tai is in on this. I'm taking my meds. It's too complicated to explain more than once."

He reluctantly agreed, and we followed the rest of them inside. Kari had gone directly to the shower, so I just headed into my room, stripped off my soiled clothing, and replaced it with some old sweat pants and a t-shirt before collapsing into bed. The rain I'd felt in the air began to patter against the windows, the smell of the wet forest floor drifted in through the windows, and it put me at ease. As I drifted away to sleep, my mind went back to us walking that box through the woods and the way my hands had tingled with warmth. Warmth that still seemed to fill me now as I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

_Kari_

My head had been spiraling since I woke up on the cold ground. I ached to be close to TK, but with everyone hovering over us, I rushed to shower and separated myself from them. I felt like I was missing a piece of my body, my spirit. Now, I sat across from TK, and it's becoming almost unbearable. More so since the spell last night. The longer I'm here, the more I feel drawn to him. I feel hallow when we're apart, and that feels sick. I'm broken. I must be broken. We were apart for years, and I survived just fine. Well, I told myself I survived just fine. This was why I never opened the box of memories I had tied to us. This is why it stayed closed because seeing him and not being able to be close to him feels suffocating.

My foot is twitching under the table, and I'm picking at my cuticles. I can't stop fidgeting as we fill Matt and Sora in on everything that's happened so far. I want out of this room, though. It's so triggering, being surrounded by them in a debrief. No one else seems affected by it. Izzy is as on his game as ever, clear and concise, even better than he was back in our digital world days. Tai paces, throwing in information when he needs to but otherwise is quietly hovering over us. Matt and Sora are trying to take everything in. Sora gives encouraging looks and gasps in all the right places while Matt looks skeptical but can't argue when the results of the last few days are tattooed on TK, and I. TK is trying to be helpful. He keeps looking to me when it seems like I should be speaking and trying to fill in spots, so I don't have to. I know he can tell I'm anxious. His eyes ask me silent questions I don't have the answers to, so I look down at the table, out the window, anywhere but him.

"So if this is actually what's happening, how come it never manifested until college? That doesn't make much sense."

Matt was just thinking out loud. His voice was light and kind. It's a logical question, and it wasn't a shot at me, but I was at the edge, and I cracked.

"What kind of demonstration would you like, Matt? What kind of fucking circus act do I need to put on for you to believe me because I'll tell you I'm getting tired of having to prove myself to the people in this room. I know I've never been capable of very much in anybody's eyes. So what, what would you like?"

"Kari, I," He tried to interject, his eyes full of concern. It only made me angrier.

"No, no, it's _fine_ ," the lights in the room started flickering.

"Hey, relax," Tai started moving towards me.

"Sit down!" I yelled. The lightbulbs shattered, Tai was thrown towards the ground, and a fire ignited in the fireplace.

Everything went silent. The room around us was darkened except for the crackling fire, and Tai looked at me as if I'd slapped him, and in a sense, I had. I didn't deserve them. I didn't deserve their help. I was clearly becoming unstable. It felt like I was the one who'd had the wind knocked out of me.

"I-I," I stuttered, looking around at everyone's horrified faces, and then I ran out of the house. The air felt fresh in my lungs from the rain. It was lighter, cooler. I craved it. I wanted water. My feet carried me towards the edge of the dock before I collapsed and let out an unearthly scream. The calm lake suddenly grew angry and choppy, with waves edging over the uneven wood.

"Kari," TK's voice came from the far end of the dock.

"Stay away from me." I cried out.

He moved towards me, confident, unafraid.

"I could hurt you," I choked out.

"You won't," he stopped a few feet away, and I could tell the space was for me, not him. He wasn't scared of me.

"Look at me. I don't even know how to control myself. I'm getting stronger, and I don't know why or how."

"We're going to figure it out."

He reached out for me, and I want to scream because I want to be in his arms. I want the safety he could provide. I want to stand on my own. I want to stand beside him. I don't know why I feel so desperate and confused and like I'm about to fall off the edge of a cliff. I wish the water would swallow me whole, and then it does.

* * *

_TK_

I see the wave rise and crash over her body too fast for me to react. I screamed her name and then hear the others behind me, but I don't wait. I dive into the lake and open my eyes, trying to search the murky waters. Her body sinks towards the bottom of the lake, and her eyes are closed. I swim down as hard as I can and reach for her, but as I grab onto her arm, I feel her being pulled in the opposite direction. My arm wraps around her waist, and I pull as hard as I can, losing air and determined to reach the surface. My feet kick desperately, and she comes loose from whatever had a hold of her, but something tells me it was her own magic dragging her down. I feel myself being helped to the surface, and as I come up gasping for air, I see Tai is helping me with her. As we got to the edge, I swept her into my arms and then rest her gently on the grass. The water goes calm and it makes the scene eerier.

Sora falls to the ground and leans over her, "She's not breathing," she cries.

I see Tai start to move, but I'm faster. I fell to my knees and started pressing my hands against her chest, counting to about twenty before tilting her head back and plugging her nose. I took in a breath before I brought my mouth to hers and blew air into her lungs. It was suddenly so bright, like a camera flash, and I thought I might pass out. I blinked a few times, allowing my vision to go back to normal.

I looked down and see that she's still out and feel like I might collapse right there. I shake myself out of whatever had just overcome me and focused back onto her. "Come on Kari," I mumbled as I resumed chest compressions. "Come on." I gave her a second breath, and as I moved back to start compressions again, I heard the most awful cough as the water came out of her mouth and trickled down her chin and neck. I rolled her onto her side as she continued to cough all the water out of her lungs.

I pulled her into my lap and rested my head on her shoulder, "You're okay. I got you. You're okay." When her breath finally comes, so does a wail, loud and heartbreaking. She's cried since she's been with us but not like this. She never lets herself fall apart or crumble, not really, not enough. She hides away from us, the same way I did after my break because she just wants to be strong. We crack though. We shatter and fall apart. This time though neither of us is alone, and I feel like if anyone tried to take her from me right now I might crack as well. I didn't say anything else. I didn't have to. I held her and let her cry and scream and release all the pain she'd been holding in about Nadia, Kato, the digital world, and the two of us. I could feel the tension between us even though I'd mostly come clean. It wasn't angry. It was like a desperate longing. For a writer, I felt like I was out of words trying to explain it. The wind picked up around us and the water became choppy once more, but it stayed where it belonged in the lake.

Eventually, her breathing became more even, her tears stopped flowing, and the lake and wind calmed. She'd exhausted herself and was half in and half out of consciousness. I looked towards Sora, "We need to get her out of these clothes." I said as I picked her up off the ground and moved towards the house without another word. Sora followed after me and went towards her room, but I told her to come to mine. I wasn't letting her out of my sight tonight. I pointed Sora towards my drawer and a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and then left the room while she got her out of her wet things.

"I didn't mean to cause anything," Matt looked white as I walked back into the main room where he, Tai, and Izzy stood around shaken up.

"It wasn't your fault. She was just at her limit and she broke," I said sadly.

Everyone's eyes traveled towards me. "What do you mean?" Izzy asked while Tai and Matt both looked awkwardly towards each other.

"She walked in on her friend dead. Someone tried to murder her. A creature tried to murder me in front of her. We're expecting her to carry on through a lot of trauma right now. We aren't children anymore, and this stuff doesn't just roll off like it used to."

Tai slumped down onto a stool and let his head fall into his hands. He raked them through his hair and gripped onto it. "I feel like I can't do anything to help her."

"She needs sleep, and then we need to open that chest and see what's inside. Then we need to support her. That's all we can do."

We turned as my bedroom door opened, and Sora crept out. "She's out, she seemed a little back and forth, but once she was under a blanket, she finally let go and fell asleep." She moved towards me and pulled me into a tight hug. "You saved her life."

It hit me then how close she'd come to being lost to us, to slipping away from me again. I wrapped my arms around Sora and let her hold onto me.

I pulled back and moved to lean against the wall behind me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, running my hand over my face. "We all need sleep," I said. "Matt, you and Sora take grandma's old room. Just bring Kari's backpack out."

"Where are you going to sleep?" Tai asked me wearily.

"I have a sleeping bag I can sleep on the floor in my room," I sent him a bit of a glare, challenging him, but I was surprised when he left it alone. He knew I wouldn't do anything to take advantage of his sister. It was almost like he said it because he thought he was supposed to.

"Guys," Tai said, his voice tired. "Please, all of you, we need to stop doing this to ourselves."

We looked around the room, confused and exhausted.

"We need to start asking each other for help before we're at a breaking point. We need to take care of each other and we need to be honest with each other."

"I always say what I need," Izzy said indignantly, and something in us broke but in a different way. Matt lost it first, snorting out a laugh, and caused Sora to giggle, which caused Tai to snicker.

"Yes, Izzy, and we love you for it," I said, laughing. He looked a little lost but pleased that he'd lightened the air in the room. We let that be enough for tonight, separated, and headed to our rooms. Kari was curled up in my bed fast asleep, so I did my best to quietly grab my sleeping back out from my closet and make myself as comfortable as I could on the floor. I let the steady sound of her breathing lull me to sleep.

I don't know how long I was out before I heard Kari tossing and turning, mumbling in her sleep, in the midst of what seemed to be a nightmare. I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and made my way onto the edge of the bed so I could gently nudge her awake. She blinked a few times, trying to orientate herself before she realized it was me sitting above her.

"It's just a dream," I said, gently moving her still wet strands of hair out of her face. She sat herself up and I let my hand fall away from her. "How are you feeling?"

"Sorry." She said quietly.

"Don't be-"

"I asked it to swallow me." her voice wobbled, sad, and strained. "In my head, I just wanted it to take me down. I asked for it. It's my fault."

"I'm not going to let you self-destruct."

Her eyes jolted to mine. There was so much pain in them, so much fear, it made my chest ache, and I reached out for her and pulled her into my arms.

"I let my pain eat away at me until there was nothing left to hold on to. I'm not going to let you make my mistakes. I've got you. We've got you. No one is going to abandon you."

"But I'm dangerous. Look what I did in the house."

"You were wound up, you're keeping everything locked inside, and you let your emotions take over. No one is mad or afraid of you. We're just worried about you. Tai said it when you were asleep, _"We need to start asking each other for help before we're at a breaking point."_

"Tai said that?"

"Yea, it was very moving you should have heard it." She punched me lightly in the arm for my sarcasm, and I smiled pulling back so I could look at her.

"You've been through so much. I know it's hard, and it hurts. I know you're scared, but you have us, okay? We aren't going anywhere. If you need to talk or cry or scream, it's okay. No one is going to judge you."

I let my forehead fall against hers and I took one of her hands into mine.

Her face scrunched up for a moment, and she shut her eyes tight, "This." She said, losing the words to finish.

"What?" I asked gently.

"This feels like torture."

"We're going to find a way to beat him Ka-"

"No. Us."

I pulled back away from her, feeling like I'd been kicked in the chest.

"I'm sorry, I should be giving you space. I didn't think." I moved to get up, but she grabbed my arm.

"No, that's just it. I _don't_ want space," she said with a huff. "Space feels like torment, and I don't know why. I feel crazy. That's crazy, right? When you're not next to me, it's like all the air in the room is gone."

I felt my heart swell and shatter in the same breath. Anything I say now feels like it would be taking advantage of her. She almost drowned. How could I confess anything to her right now?

"You just went through something terrible and scary, of course, you don't want to be alone right now," I tried to rationalize.

"It's not just now, TK," her voice was soft and sad. "I know you've probably moved past it all. I know it's been too long, but my heart hasn't changed, and I never even knew where yours was."

My words caught in my throat for a moment. Words I'd wanted to tell her for so long. Words that needed to be let go. "It was with yours," I let them fall from my mouth. "The day we were supposed to meet at the beach."

"Were you going to ask me out?" She asked shyly.

"No," I said honestly but realized my mistake when her face fell. "No, shit." I was messing this up, but I had a thought. "Wait, the book I gave you. Where is it?"

She tilted her head, confused, "My backpack. Why?"

I nodded, grabbing her backpack and handing it to her so she could pull it out. She handed it to me and tossed her bag back off the bed. I opened it, searching the pages of my writing for the right passage—the words I'd wanted her to see for five years. Finally, I got to the page, loose from the rest and worn from age. I handed it to her and held my breath. Her fingers trace my words, and her lips moved to say them, but no sound escaped her mouth.

_"How do I tell you that I'm drowning in you? You're the rain. Tapping on my window when I need to know I'm not alone. You turn a somber sky to storm, and it's electric, we're electric, and the lightning sparks a wildfire in me. If you can steady to storm, I guarantee I'll keep us warm, even when all that's left are flickering embers and ash."_

"TK, it's beautiful." Her voice is airy, and she looks towards me.

"I moved toward her and take her face into my hand. "I was going to tell you I was in love with you." I tilted her face closer to mine, my mouth inches from hers. "I'm still in love with you," I said, before kissing her softly. There was no hesitation as her hand reached up and she traced her fingers across my cheek before wrapping her hand behind my neck and raking her fingers through my hair. I kissed her harder then, and she responded eagerly. It felt like release and torture. I couldn't be close enough to her and I felt that white flash again, I pulled back for air but still grazed my lips against her own. I pulled her towards me again, hungry for more, desperate to be close to her. She moved to lay back, pulling me with her so that we didn't disconnect from one another. A small moan escaped her lips the next time we parted, and I gripped onto her shoulder, bringing my head to the crook of her neck to calm myself down. This was moving into a direction I didn't want, not like this, not after a day like today, not five minutes after the first time I kissed her.

"Are you okay," She asked, her voice still breathy and light. I shivered as she ran her fingers across my neck. _Am I okay?_ I thought to myself. I could die in this bed right now and be happy, simply for existing at the same time as her, and that felt insane, but anything less would be a lie.

"We're surrounded by danger and I feel a little crazy. This though, this moment with you, this is warmth, and for the first time in a long time I feel whole." I said honestly, afraid to look at her and scare her away.

She nudged me away and onto my side, though so we were facing each other, "I feel it too. It does feel crazy, doesn't it," she said with a small laugh.

I smiled, placing a kiss on her forehead, and then wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me, resting my head atop her own. She snuggled into me and sighed contently. "I love you too," her words came out in a whisper as she unwrapped one of my arms from her so she could take my hand into her own. I laced my fingers between hers and closed my eyes, feeling like for the first time in years I could sleep in peace.

"Wait!" She jolted up, and the shock of it took the air right out of me.

"What's wrong?"

"The prophecy. I think I understand it now." She got out of bed and held out her hand for me. Taking it felt like more than getting up. Taking it meant we were in this together now, truly. I've never made an easier decision than I did then, lacing my fingers between hers and leaving my bed. I followed her, and I knew going forward that I would never stop.


End file.
